Hi All

Thanks for all your comments over the last few days. Spose I must be getting the message MOVE ON. Which is what I'm going to do. I live in hope that one day I'll get answers but if I don't it will not be through lack of trying, at least I can hold my head high and say I went after what I wanted.

hi All

back from lunch. Now I know I said I wasn't going to mention it again but I just gotta do this last post.

Having spent over 2 years in a relationship with Jane and leaving my wife to be with her I do believe I'm entitled to some answers, or am I being naive.

I last spoke to Jane on April 29th when she said she loved me but couldn't talk to me at the moment.

Last correspondence of any sort was on 8th May when she replied to my email.

Since then nothing.

I know she been going to relate councelling with her husband and thats all I know.

At the moment I can't see a way I can move forward until she tells me if she is happy that she made the right decision and that things at home are fine.

I am finding it really hard to rebuild a relationship with my children just in case she turns round to me and says she wants to be with me, I don't want to have to deall with it all again.

If Jane is happy that she's done the right thing then thats fine. Just tell me and let me get on with it. I don't care how it comes to me, email, text, third party, not bothered, but I need an answer just to put an end to it.

If she isn't sure then tell me that and I will leave things until she has made up her mind, but there needs to be a time limit.

Do I seem unreasonable.

got some much needed sun gonna go have some lunch in Chichester now. Its a hard life being a loon.

Was working out on the punchbag this morning to Basket Case, thought that was pretty appropriate (take a look back at other posts if I lost you).

Well have a good day everyone, no doubt I shall look in later and let you know if anything earth shattering has happened.

On 2nd thoughts I already know the answer to that.

Hi all

Just got back from 3 mile run, pretty hot here today so am especially sweaty.

One drawback to all this exercise, I was skinny before I started and am now having to drink fat shakes to replace what I lose when I run. I'm a 3 pints a day man at the moment. Can tell you there are some interesting smells when I start sweating now, this morning we had strawberry shake, sweet and sour chicken and lager. Can now see why I get all the girls.

I am however now at Ricky Hattons fighting weight. So watch your back fatboy, I'm coming after you.

Now its shirt off time and out for some sun.

Catch you all later

Ok gonna try and draw this section of my blog to a close now, just got a few things I need to write down for my own benefit really. I know this is a blog but it just helps me to write these thoughts down. Hope I'm not pissing too many of you of and I hope you don't think I'm whining.

Have decided I really need to close off this episode in my life. Yes jane was the most wonderful person I have ever met and yes I do believe I met my one true love, albeit wrong time, wrong circumstances.

she is someone I am going to find it very hard to forget, but I need to in order to get my life back. Its the small things I miss the most (she might say the same). Chatting on the phone about totally irrelevant stuff, being competative over anything (if she had read these posts she would of spellchecked everything, and there are some blinders in there too). Listening to her when she's sad, hearing her laugh when she's happy, which used to be more often than sad, watching her close one eye when she laughs (i used to find that strange but grew to love it), the way she sticks her tongue out when she says something sarcastic (she will say licks her tongue out, northerner for you).

Most of all I just miss talking to my best friend. If the only relationship I could have with her was down the phone I would take it and be happy with it.

Trouble is I now realise she found what she wants and that isn't me, so time to call it a day I think. I have looked for encouragement in the strangest places, even check my stars now before the sport (I'm becoming a girl).

My ex told me that I should fight for her because I obviously love her to bits, but I know it's a fight I can't win. I've been fighting since Xmas and got knowhere so I think it's time I went off and see if I can find what I need in my life. Have had enough of the person I have become. I've lived my life being strong, determined, positive and caring and I seem to have lost sight of that now.

Now is the time for me to stop trying to make any contact with her because it only makes me feel worse. I need to wipe the ipod, delete the photos, and close the email account.

I know that out there somewhere is the woman that I can give what I wanted to give Jane, now I just need to find her.

Here endeth the sermon friends. Onwards and upwards.