Hey

I was only going to be here for a minute or two. I was only going to say, "Hello!" But then Monday night something happened that took my breath away. It happened on a late night talk show. A fella in the middle of the night. Some fella who says he's at the end of his path. A highschool drop out, ex punk rocker, member of AA looked right into my heart and recited Richard.  He did it right.  I wondered why that man was shelpping "joke burgers" in the middle of the night. I wondered why he stopped making movies. I wondered what he would do if someone said to him,

" You have my attention. Now what are you going to do about it? " 

I wanted to ask him, "If you could do your show like you want? What would you do? "

I'd love to see. 

Oh and about the kitty segment. If you aren't going to use it to learn something about your Jungian self then stop. You missed a good opportunity in order to make fun of someone.  Kind of a waste.  As for me, one viewer out of many,  unless you were going to look in that camera and say my name?   I've learned all I needed to learn from this segment of the show.   

As for my real life?

Lots of folks in my real life who've made it their life's goal to make me feel like the punchline to a joke. Or maybe "the joke".  Luckily my son is okay and spared.  He's beautiful inside and out.  I have my pups. I love my son and my pups.  My son and my pups love me and it's not just because I feed them either.  They are genuinely glad to see me. For free.

But if you think I'm going to sit here and say how great my life is?  After Billy,  my Great Aunt, and my son's deaths and  IrishDavid's leaving? 

You're full of it.  

After years of being told that I'm worthless, I don't see the point of wasting anyone's time. You folks who don't like me have made your point.

No one wants me.      Right.

Thanks for sharing.

Comments are OFF and I'm not checking emails.

Not that anyone really gives a fig but hey I'm nice,

"Hey folks in California..." 

Playlist.

Arms of an Angel

Sarah Mclachlan

My dad once told me that the only place I'd find home would be in the arms of the angels. Told me to listen to this song. Good thing I'm not suicidal or I'd have just given up the ghost when he told me that. He didn't mean it mean. He's just a pragmatic's pragmatic. He knew I was hoping for someone kind. Someone to love me. He also felt I'd be lucky if anyone would want me at all. It was his way of saying, " Daughter, be realistic and look at yourself. "  I mean, I do look in the mirror. I know I'm ugly.

All that beautiful on the inside stuff?    Please. 

Someone send me flowers?  To care?  Hahahahahahahahah.  Now THAT is a joke! 

He always thought I was too kind hearted for this world anyway.

Still it's kind of hard to look at the reality.  No one wants me.

I've always been able to find some bright spot in things. I've always been able to keep my feet up underneath  but I'm kind of having a tough time here.

How do you get to the place where you know no one wants you? 

The last time I saw my dad he said I'd be okay.

I hope so. 

Just need some time?

Meebee.

Writing is the only thing I've been able to do where no on cares what I look like. It really is all about my imagination. I can fly here in my words and ideas.

Here in my words?

I'm fierce.

writer's note:

Not that I should have to explain, but here on the internet folk assume, get upset, and then don't ask to make sure there's no missunderstanding. The above story, the one about the song, is about my dad and me. He told me about the song. This isn't about anyone else here in Blogland or on the internet. Not everything is about you Gentle Reader.

Just so you'll know.