the annual fire works talk

Okay kiddies as  responsible adults you know and I know it's that time of  year when grown men become stupid. If they aren't turning meat to infernos with lighter fluid, they are scarin the little kids with fire works and given those same little kids sparklers. You know how stupid this is.

So I would like to offer my time tested speech to the impressionable kiddies who will turn into the most responsible of the group when the "big" kids get involved.

To begin.\

Line up children I have something important to tell you all. First. Look at your hands. Let's all count our fingers shall we. One, two , three, four, fivesixseveneightnine and ten. Now then children. It is your job to see  at the end of this day ten fingers. All intact including feels in those fingers. NO NUMB FINGERS. Now let's look at our feet. We have on those feet ten toes. At the end of this day you will also have ten toes. All functioning. That means tonight we wear shoes and when your idiot friends tell you to hold this and it is hissing you drop it. Not on your sister or the dog either. On the ground and you say, scatter.  Now look at each other. You will notice that on each person their are eyes. We will NOT throw anything at those eyes. Okay. At the end of the evening we want all our eyes intact.

Now tonight you  will be watched by your cousin Michael. From this point, Michael is known as "he that must be obeyed or we loose computer time". If you give him grief, I will be your nightmare. No when Uncle Bruce suggests that you light anything? You make sure to ask cousin Michael if that is a good idea.

Okay?

One more thing. If cousin Michael gets distracted by his new girlfriend Amy? You have my permision to tell. Matter of fact, I'll give anyone who tells me when he does five bucks. If he does then I will be cousin Michael's worse nightmare.

That is all.

Have fun. Except Michael who will be a saint.

Otherwise I will tell his mother.

I will make it up.

He will not see the sun or his computer for a long while.

Got it.

Good.

Back to  Independence Day to do list.