I once knew a woman who was not very comfortable in her skin.  How could she could be comfortable? She was challenged by many.  She went to church and was challenged by some who believed church-goers were hypocrites.  She was challenged by others for her choice of religion.  And she worked in a professional career.  She was challenged by some who felt the woman's place was in the home. And she was challenged by others, who believed only women who "slept with the boss" moved up the corporate ladder.  She was a mother, and she was challenged by some who felt she should not work since she had children, and by others who felt she should put her children in daycare, rather than having a private babysitter.  And she was a wife.  She was challenged by some who said she had "settled" and others who said she was not properly "following" her husband's lead.  These are just some of the simple examples of her choices and challenges.  The list was long.

And one day, after many years, she realized that while there was nobody's opinion of herself that mattered more than her own, she had spent years concerned about what others thought of her, and how she should live her life.  In fact, she had, at times, found herself defending her  beliefs, her choices and her very existence...and that, she realized, was the problem.  Nobody can be comfortable while constantly defending them self, or justifying their choices. 

And so, she began to listen when others challenged and to consider their perspective, but not to bend to try to suit them, for she realized there was no way to please everyone.  She was not selfish, but she was not selfless.  She was, and is, comfortable in her own skin.  And the funny thing is, she really never feels the need to justify her choices to those who challenge.  I think that is how she knows who she is, and that she is, indeed, herself, and not someone else's vision of what she should be.

Happy New Year All!  Enjoy some advice from nature and share with your friends.

As always, I have loads of T-shirts and sweatshirts in Judy's Corner.  Here are a few.

Free Shipping for Bloggers with Buy It Now on T-shirts and Sweatshirts - qsell

Golf Chick Ladies T Shirt XXL NWT White Cotton Bird NEW $18.00 Advice From A Butterfly T SHIRT XL NWT Nature Purple $18.00 ADVICE FROM A PENGUIN T SHIRT SIZE M NWT NATURE COTTON $15.00 ADVICE FROM AN OWL T SHIRT T SHIRT SIZE XL NWT NATURE $15.00 ADVICE FROM A SQUIRREL T SHIRT L NWT NEW Chestnut Brown $15.00 ADVICE FROM A HORSE T shirt XXL NWT Animal Lover Red $18.00 ADVICE FROM A SNOWMAN T shirt XXL NWT White New Winter $18.00 ADVICE FROM A DOG T SHIRT S NWT Animal Lover Brown NEW $15.00 ADVICE FROM A LADYBUG SWEAT SHIRT XL NWT NATURE RED $16.00 ADVICE FROM A ROSE T SHIRT S NWT Flower Lover White NEW $15.00 RED HAT LADY CAT SWEAT SHIRT M NWT PURPLE NEW $16.00 PANSY HUMOR FLOWER T SHIRT S S NWT White NEW X LARGE $15.00

Still, we are driving back home today, choosing to overnight at home before heading up to Dad's tomorrow.  We had a lovely visit with MIL and the rest of the inlaws, celebrating MIL's birthday today with lunch at her favorite Mexican restaurant.

So, as hubby drives, and we listen to a novel on CD, I am blogging, and working on my listings.

How is everyone today?

I have decided that what I need to keep in shape, OK, I'll be honest, to GET back in shape, is a Jack Russell terrier.  I have spent the past couple of days "playing" with Katie, my MIL's 7 month old puppy and I am sore. 

Let's see.

I sit down in the chair, pull the laptop into my lap to start "doing my store thing," and here comes Katie.  Clearly, she believes SHE would look better in my lap than the laptop....

"go get your toy," I tell her and off she trots, returning momentarily with the "toy" of choice.  She chooses the game; I am but the executor of her bidding.

So today, her game of choice was the pillowcase game.  In this one, she brings the pillow case to me and I take it from her.  We then have the "bull-fighter" style showing of the pillow case, and charging at the pillow case.....but all the while Katie knows that if she is even in the least distracted, I will "bag her."  Quickly, over the head and scooping up the feet goes the pillow case.  Once "bagged" I give her a good scratching of the head (through the pillow case, of course) which she eats up.  Then, I sit back in the chair and she proceeds to "dust mop" the floor as she wiggles and turns, finally, successfully emerging from the pillow case.

And then she immediately brings the case back to me, and we have to do this all again.

Let me assure you, hours of this and fetch, and wrangle the toy, will develop strong muscles and improved agility. (oh, and the dog likes it too.)

I think I will call Katie my Jack Russel Work Out.

Today in rained all day.  We stayed inside. I defragged, backed up and did other relatively mundane computer calisthenics, but throughout the day, MIL's seven month old puppy, Katie, wanted to play. 

This little fireball goes non-stop.  So, I decided it was the perfect time to teach her some manners.  We played catch with her squeaky bone, and hide the dog in the pillow case and other such games, and she was hilarious.  My MIL and hubby could not believe I taught this puppy to sit quietly in order for me to throw the bone for her to retrieve, to bring it directly back to me and give it up so I could throw it again, and to only use her "outside voice" (barking), outside.

Now, while it is true that Katie will behave rather nicely for me, she is still quite ready and willing to sail through the air and land on MIL or hubby, using their hands, arms, legs, clothing, etc for her chew toys, and demanding what she pleases of them.

And so, they both looked on in utter disbelief when, finally ready to relax for the evening, Katie jumped up in my lap and fell asleep.  Granted, she is not an old dog, but I am amazed at how quickly she caught on to the "new tricks" I required of her.

And, if you have never played doggie in the pillow case, you are missing out!  Of course, this would not work for a big dog, but a Jack Russell Terrier can enjoy several hours with this game alone!

I hope y'all had a great day.

Last night I had a dream that I was working for a law firm. In my dream, as in reality, I was completely unknowledgeable about practicing law, but everyone I worked for in my dream understood this and was very supportive of me.  I added a certain "something" to the work environment. 

Later in the dream, or perhaps another dream I was walking down the road and friends were looking for their sons.  I told them I had seen them riding their bikes down the railroad tracks.  I called to the boys and they came riding back down the tracks. My friends were happy that I had seen their sons, let them know where they were, and summoned them back before they were hurt on the tracks.

I was feeling pretty good about myself.  Just then, from a ways off, I saw a woman riding at full gallop toward me on a horse.  She was yelling something at the top of her lungs.  I could not hear what she was saying, but I waited, knowing with every fiber of my being that what she had to say was of utmost importance to me.  It was a message that I needed to hear.

Finally, she was within earshot and I could make out her message clearly....

"GROW UP!!!!!"

And, with that I awoke.  I guess I have my New Year's resolution decided for me!

This year, I celebrate Christmas with my husband, my mother-in-law, sister-in-law and her hubby and their son.  The festivities will begin tomorrow morning, with breakfast and gift openng at SIL's.  Then it will be "dinner" (noon meal) at MIL's, after which SIL, BIL, and nephew will head off to catch a movie, MIL and hubby will take naps and I will....likely blog.

My children are grown and are, of course, doing their own thing this year.  My son is with his fiancee at her family's place in NJ.  My daughter is sharing Christmas with her father's family in DE.  My family, brothers, sister, nephew's and nieces, my children and my Dad and stepmom, will all gather on New Year's Eve at Dad's for our celebration of Christmas and NewYear's and of course, the regular GOOF game.

Tonight though, I sit here in the TV room at my MIL's house.  The TV is turned off, and both hubby and MIL have turned in for the night.  I know it is Christmas Eve...but it doesn't quite feel like it.

When raising the children, there was always so much to get done, and Christmas Eve, after returning from church and tucking the little ones into bed (after they had carefully laid out their cookies and milk for Santa, along with their letters to him), was spent getting all of the wrapped presents out and under the tree, finishing up whatever wrapping was still undone, filling the stockings, as we carried forth the tradition started by St. Nicholas and carried forward by generations of parents of young children.  And, usually, at about 3 AM, we would turn off all of the lights, save those on the tree, and climb into bed.  Typically, in less than three hours, we were awakened by the gleeful voices of our youngsters who, once again had discovered the "magic" of Christmas.  And through their eyes, I discovered it again.

So tonight feels quiet.  Peaceful, yes. Full, not really.  Happy, yes, but not "excited." 

And I suppose I have reached the age where I look forward to grandchildren....those little excited charmers through whose eyes I will, once again, discover the magic of Christmas.

Hmmmm...that reminds me....I need to sneak into the room where hubby is already sleeping and get out the stockings I have made for him and MIL ....   I still will get to see their eyes light up on Christmas morning! LOL

Well, I'm not REALLY complaining about the absolutely perfect driving weather we are enjoying for our trip from VA to SC.....BUT....the sun is so bright is it cramping my blogging style!  Hard to read the screen!

(whine, whine, whine)

Merry Christmas! How is your Christmas Eve progressing? I can't really complain.  We actually left the house at 6:45 AM, so anticipate arriving before sundown.  I love being able to blog while hubby drives!

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This afternoon, hubby and I were talking about our upcoming trip to SC for the holidays.  I asked whether he'd called a couple of his friends and lined up some time with them.  His answer was no, they hadn't called him in a while and he had decided this meant they didn't want to keep in touch.  What???  These are a couple with whom he has been friends for years, and with whom we always get together during the Christmas holidays.

So, it seems hubby last called his friend a couple of months ago.  They had chatted as usual, and nothing seemed out of the ordinary.  While we were down in SC for Thanksgiving, he had decided we did not have enough time to visit, so he had not told them we were in town.  So, last contact was probably in early October.

I told him I thought it was silly to presume they didn't want to see him, or keep in touch.  I mentioned something about life taking over sometimes and such.  So, this evening he called.

When he came in from his chilly conversation (we have lousy cell phone reception indoors, so he goes out on the front porch to make his calls)  all he could say was, "you were right." 

It seems that the day before Thanksgiving, our friends, who are now enjoying they first stint as grandparents, lost their son-in-law to a freak accident.  He was working on his job of one week when his leg was run over by a crane that runs on a track, severing his leg.  Though he was able to talk in transit to the ER, he died shortly after arriving at the hospital.  He was 27.  His insurance had not yet kicked in.  He left behind his wife of two years and his 1 1/2 year old son.  And our friends have been living life one day at a time, trying to help their 27 year old daughter deal with the realities of sudden loss of partner, father to their child, income, and grief.

It was a reality check for hubby.  And while it saddened us greatly to hear of their tragedy, it reminded us how very lucky we are at this very moment in our lives.  These things happen in a blink of an eye, and of course we deal with them as best we can, but taking stock of what we have right now and really enjoying it seems to be of utmost importance.

And tonight, when I think of those I haven't heard from in a while, those who I feel SHOULD be taking a bit of time out of their schedule to say hi, I have to remind myself that they might just be dealing with life and when they have the time, they will call...or perhaps I should just give them a call.

4:43:51 PM  System
Initial Question/Comment: Selling
4:44:00 PM  System
Stephanie B. has joined this session!
4:44:00 PM  System
Connected with Stephanie B.
4:44:00 PM  Stephanie B.
Hello, thank you for waiting and welcome to eBay PowerSeller/Stores Help! My name is Stephanie. How may I help you today?
4:44:26 PM  jcarolek
I have a question, the answer for which I have been unable to locate.

When new eBay members become NARU'd within fewer than 90 days from the day they open their account, their feedback left for others, positive, negative, and neutral, is removed. But what about the "detailed feedback" (stars) they leave for their sellers?

I ask this in light of some of the recent activity of members leaving negative feedback for their sellers without ever having paid for the item they contracted to purchase. Since they seem to do this in waves, hitting several sellers and sullying their feedback, and in return, get sufficient negs and non-paying bidder strikes to become NARU'd by eBay, it seem inadequate recourse to simply remove the feedback left. Presumably, these "buyers" are also hitting the detailed feedback, which is supposedly anonymous.

So, here's my question.
Do sellers simply have to live with the results of a member who "came to eBay" for no other purpose but to leave negatives and poor star detail ratings?
4:45:51 PM  Stephanie B.
That is an excellent question. I'll need to look in to this for you.. do you mind holding for 2-3 minutes while I do so?
4:46:08 PM  jcarolek
Not at all. Thank you.
4:46:47 PM  Stephanie B.
You're welcome! I appreciate your patience and will be with you as soon as possible.
4:53:12 PM  Stephanie B.
Thank you for waiting. After consulting our Trust & Safety department, it appears that the detailed seller ratings are not adjusted as feedback is. The reason for this is because the ratings are submitted 'anonymously' for the most part, so we're unable to track those ratings to have them adjusted.
4:55:13 PM  jcarolek
That' s what concerns me. Is there a place to verify this? I am very concerned that since soon the stars will be used to help determine the non-performing sellers, we are at the whim of these members that are buying, not paying, just to leave the sellers negative feedback and stars.
5:01:48 PM  Stephanie B.
I can certainly understand your concerns with the seller non-performance actions recently initiated by eBay. However, let me reassure you that our areas of focus when determining these actions are Item Not Received / Item Not As Described disputes, Feedback ratings specifically, and written buyer complaints.
5:03:07 PM  Stephanie B.
That being said, you do have a valid concern and I am happy to forward this to our Trust & Safety department for consideration on your behalf.
5:04:03 PM  jcarolek
OK. Is there a specific contact I can write to with this concern?
5:08:48 PM  Stephanie B.
Your best bet would be to contact our Feedback Removal team to raise awareness of this issue. I would be happy to walk you through the steps on how to contact them if you would like me to.
5:09:03 PM  jcarolek
Sure
5:10:00 PM  Stephanie B.
Start by clicking on the "Help" tab located in the upper right corner of most eBay pages and selecting "Contact Us" from the drop down menu.
5:10:14 PM  Stephanie B.
Once on that page, click the link to "Start here", located on the right side under the Email heading. This will take you to a list of possible reasons for contacting Customer Support. For this situation, please select "Feedback" from the list and click the Continue button.
5:10:36 PM  jcarolek
Oh, OK...I did that, but it requires an item number. This is not an item speciic question.
5:10:51 PM  jcarolek
Which is why I came here.
5:11:54 PM  Stephanie B.
From here, in Step 1 - please select "Feedback Concerns". For Step 2 - please select "The problem you're having with feedback isn't listed". While this isn't specifically addressing the matter in the subject line, this will direct you to the appropriate department who can address this.
5:12:21 PM  jcarolek
OK...I'll give that a try. Thanks.
5:12:25 PM  Stephanie B.
Ahhh, okay
5:12:44 PM  Stephanie B.
In that case, I can give you their e-mail address, but it may take slightly longer to get routed to the right place
5:12:57 PM  jcarolek
That would be awesome!
5:13:24 PM  Stephanie B.
No problem! You can write to: rswebhelp@ebay.com. We always recommend the web form because it goes right to the correct department, but in this case I do see that it wouldn't work for your situation. I apologize for that.
5:14:22 PM  jcarolek
Thank you.
5:14:51 PM  Stephanie B.
You are very welcome! As I said, I'll forward this on to them as well from my end.
5:14:51 PM  Stephanie B.
Is there anything else I can help you with today?
5:15:01 PM  jcarolek
No, thank you very much.
5:16:00 PM  Stephanie B.
You're welcome! Thanks again for using live help. Good luck with your future eBay endeavors, have a happy holiday!
5:16:08 PM  jcarolek
You too.

I have a question, the answer for which I have been unable to locate. 

When new eBay members become NARU'd within fewer than 90 days from the day they open their account, their feedback left for others, positive, negative, and neutral, is removed.  But what about the "detailed feedback" (stars) they leave for their sellers?

I ask this in light of some of the recent activity of members leaving negative feedback for their sellers without ever having paid for the item they contracted to purchase.  Since they seem to do this in waves, hitting several sellers and sullying their feedback, and in return, get sufficient negs and non-paying bidder strikes to become NARU'd by eBay, it seem inadequate recourse to simply remove the feedback left.  Presumably, these "buyers" are also hitting the detailed feedback, which is supposedly anonymous. 

So, here's my question.
Do sellers simply have to live with the results of a member who "came to eBay" for no other purpose but to leave negatives and poor star detail ratings?

In our hearts we carry them.  Those whom we have loved, who have helped make us who we are and who no longer are here on this earth.  In January, a fellow blogger lost her sister and nephew to a house fire.  In November, a fellow blogger lost her husband to cancer.  Today, a fellow blogger lost a dear friend, also to cancer. 

Many, many have said final goodbyes to loved ones this year, but these loved ones are not gone from every bit of the earth.  They are, in our hearts. 

This song snippet I recorded for Bengal in February 2007.  I think the words are fitting.  For even as these loved ones will never again open the physical doors, they will continue to open the doors of our hearts.  And our hearts will go on.

My Heart.wav

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I was thinking about a song my children taught me.  It was one I had not grown up with, but I loved it when they brought it home from school.  All I could think of was
"old, man, and sack".  I had the memory, but not the details.  So, I Googled, "Old man sack Christmas song" and, about the fourth or fifth hit was the song, "Old Toy Trains".

So, I then was able to have it flood back into my memory and I recorded myself singing it...I have added it to my folder of "family tunes" on my computer, and uploaded it to eSnips to share with others. 

I hope you enjoy it!

Old Toy Trains.wav

Hosted by eSnips

This morning I read a post by another blogger, who was astounded that she had to tell her better half not to bite the dog.  It reminded me of an afternoon when I went to pick my then-four-year-old daughter up from our care giver's house.  Mamaw, as my children called her, greeted me with a look of concern on her face.

"I had to reprimand Jennifer today," she explained. "She bit Fritzy."

What? My daughter bit the schnauzer she loved so much?  What on earth was this all about?

A bit more inquiry into the incident revealed that Jen, while hugging and petting Fritzy, had suddenly bit the dog right on his ear, drawing blood.  Mamaw had stepped in and rescued Fritzy, putting Jen in time-out, and explaining, "we do NOT bite the dog!"

When I had Jen alone that evening, I asked her why she had bit Fritzy.  In the most innocent voice I have ever heard she explained, "Mommy, I just love him so much I wanted to taste him!"  Well, I assured her that we need not "taste everything we love" and that dogs are as good of place as any to draw that line.

I mentioned to my then-hubby, her father, that we might need to start a "psychiatric savings fund."  I thought it an equal likelihood of necessity as the already begun "college fund."

Today I received glowing feedback from a customer.  That's nice in any language, but this customer's language happens to be French.  A few weeks ago this customer purchased two items from me.  One from the store inventory and one from auction.  When I went to package them I discovered (again) that the relisting process had resulted in my relisting one more of the item than I actually had.  End result, I did not have one of her items.

I immediately messaged her through eBay messages, explaining the problem and offering alternatives.  And I waited to hear from her.  I did not.  After 24 hours passed without a word from her, I decided I would try another tactic.  I found another seller on eBay with the item she had ordered from me.  The price, including shipping, was reasonable, though it took away any profit I would make on my sale.  I checked this seller's feedback record and all looked fabulous.

I used Buy It Now and made my purchase.  Three days later it was delivered to my door.  That afternoon it was packed in with the other purchase, and a little gift and shipped to my French customer.  From the time of payment by my customer to the time of shipping was four days.  Far longer than normal for me, as I typically ship on the day of payment or the following day, but, still, within her acceptable time frame.  My seller received stellar feedback from me!

This is another example of how, while I did not make a profit on the deal, because of my own stupidity, I still was able to fulfill the customer's order in a timely fashion.  I really have no idea whether she ever received my message, but I decided it was not a great plan to wait more than 24 hours to take corrective action.  And it is another reason that I do not feel comfortable holding onto items that have been purchased.  I never know when it might be another seller trying to fulfill their customer's order.