When I was 19, home from college on a school break, my three youngest brothers and I took a trip into Washington, DC to visit my mom who had moved to an apartment there.  I hated driving in DC, and so, in a pathetic attempt to get my brother Dan to drive, I declared I was trying to strengthen my bad eye, and put the patch over my good eye.  Now, understand, this was an exercise I was SUPPOSED to do many times over the years, but never liked doing because it made me feel so sick to my stomach....but driving in DC was worse, so, on the patch went.

Dan begrudgingly took the wheel and one of my younger brothers rode shotgun.  My other brother and I rode in the back seat.  All went well for the first 15 miles or so, until we actually got into the city limits, and began that most aggravating process of trying to navigate unfamiliar roads teaming with buses, cars, cyclists and pedestrians.  Every time we thought we were getting close, we found we were just more lost.  The younger boys were teasing Dan, who was not known for his cool head and even temper.  I was trying to keep a low profile, because I was already feeling nauseated with the patch over my good eye, and I really couldn't see to help with directions anyway.

Dan was getting more and more steamed with even failed maneuver.  Finally, Ted announced that we were on the right road and needed only to find J Street and we'd be back on track.  At the time of this announcement, we were stuck in traffic at a traffic signal.  When the light turned green, the car in ahead of us made a hard left.  Without hesitation, Dan followed suit. 

"What are you doing?" Ted asked. "You were supposed to go to J Street."
Dan replied, as if it was common sense, "I'm following that guy!  He looks like he knows where he's going!"

And with that, we were off on another wild goose chase.

Apparently what Dan failed to comprehend in his moment of unbridled frustration was that while it might be true the other driver knew where HE was going, where HE was going was NOT where we were going!

When I watch the debates for the presidential nominations, I feel that frustration.  I feel that NEED to just throw my hands in the air and follow "that guy" because HE knows where HE is going....and I have to remind myself of the consequences of following someone down their path, rather than my own.

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Earlier this month, a fellow blogger experienced what can only be classified as a personal disaster.  Her hard drive failed, rendering her without access to thousands of files of her artwork....the artwork she sells here on eBay.

Well, she blogged about the situation, to ensure her customers and fellow bloggers knew she was working very hard to get the data recovered.  Several offered help. Some of the help provided at least a partial recovery of the work.

Today I received four beautiful examples of the work that was housed on that failed hard drive.  And I must say, I am truly impressed!

If you haven't taken a moment to stop by and browse her listings, please do so.  This artwork is gorgeous. Thank you avehurleyillustrations.

When I began my formal education, it was in Cyprus, and I have no earthly idea how I got to school...I just don't recall.  However, when I started school in the U.S., I was a first-grader and the school was about a three or four block hike...we traveled on foot, my sister and I.  And in the next few years, we were joined by my two eldest brothers.  Walking to school was the norm for us.  Actually, walking everywhere was the norm.  We walked to the grocery store, the movies. the library.  But every day, we made the hike to school and back.

When I was 10 we moved to Cheltenham, Gloucestershire in England, and for the first year there, we all walked to our schools, Jeannie and the two youngest boys and I went to New Court and the two eldest boys went to Dean Close.  The hike was farther than our trek to our elementary school had been, but it was still not bad.  I suppose, had New Court not closed its doors for good that year, I would never have had the enjoyment of riding the bus.

In 1969 I started at Charlton Park Convent for school.  My sister went to Cheltenham Ladies College,  the three eldest boys went to Dean Close (and still walked) and Mom escorted our baby brother to Berkhamstead (we referred to his school as "Cheltenham Babies College, being the good siblings we were!).  With my new school destination, came the opportunity for me to ride the bus.

Now the bus I rode was the regular transit double decker bus so well known to the English experience.  I walked a block to the bus stop in the morning and hopped on when my bus pulled up.  I always preferred the upper deck, and so quickly climbed the winding stairs at the back of the bus, balancing against the forward motion of the bus as I climbed.  I flopped unceremoniously into an open seat and chatted with other school children, making similar daily excursions to their schools. 

My favorite part was paying my fare.  I had my threepence ready to go, and the conductor was always "chatty."  Every one of the conductors, male and female, knew my mom, as she was quite a "get about town" person in those days.  And I always looked forward to having a certain conductor named Rita...because she ALWAYS let me ride free!   That meant I had tuck money and when I got off the bus, I was holding my threepence in my pocket, prepared to dash into the little corner store and make my candy purchase.  I was a huge fan of the Pear drops in those days, so that was my standard choice.  Eating in our uniforms off school campus was forbidden, so, I quickly made my way to school, and popped the first drop in my mouth as I entered the cloak room.

The afternoon bus ride home was WAY more exciting, though I rarely was forgiven my bus fare.  This bus ride was fun because of the challenge.  My best friend and I decided we preferred catching the bus at the boys school a few blocks away.  To successfully accomplish this, we needed to be fast.  We could not waste time going through inspection as we filed out the door in the afternoon.  We, instead, grabbed our satchels, coats, hats, gloves and outdoor shoes, ran to the lavoratory, climbed out the window and ran like the wind down the alleyway to White Friars.  There, out of breath but insanely pleased with ourselves, we hopped on the bus, and rode it home, chattering and carrying on with our friends and never, ever having fights or other nastiness I hear about in the "cheese" as my kids called it, that they had to ride to school here in the US.

When we returned to the states, I once again was on foot or cycling to school, first Jr. High, then High School.  My senior year, I had the honor and privilege to drive the 1958 red and white Chevy station wagon....old, even then, in 1976.  I never got to ride an American style school bus, except for field trips. 

When I hear kids grumble about having to catch the bus, I am always thrown back to those two years of bus riding.  And I wonder how it was that, largely unsupervised kids, of all ages, were expected to and did as a course of habit, catch the right bus to their school, pay bus fares, be responsible enough to obey the uniform, and general conduct rules.....while the kids who rode my children's CHEESE had to have regular disciplinary action exerted by the bus driver.....such very different bus riding experiences.

Now if that is not the stupidest statement, I don't know what is!  Still, this is a repost of a post I wrote last July. As an eBay seller, I feel like I am constantly performing the balancing act...on the slack wire, with the ladder, juggling the fire clubs.

Balancing Act -- jcarolek

I really DO always try to focus on the positive side of things in life.  Obviously, I did not do a terrific job with that last night, and in the wee hours of this morning.  But I suppose that evidences the fact that I am, indeed, only human.  (Pardon me)

So, I wanted to consider the positive side of some of the upcoming changes.  How will these changes HELP me, a small, but diligent seller?  First and foremost, and just to establish the playing field, I recognize that, under the current eBay structure, I, the small-time seller, have no say in how and when they raise fees, force PayPal, hold funds, tie the feedback arm behind my back and other such "changes."  I DO have the opportunity to choose my reaction to these changes.

I'll state it up front, I choose not to leave. (sorry)

So, now, let me look at the positives I see given that I have already been handed my prepared meal and been given the option to eat it, or go hungry. (or go see if the neighbors are serving anything good -- are they having mac and cheese???)

• I LIKE that store listings MUST be $1.00 or more -- feedback farming just became a bit more expensive (sorry farmers)
• I LIKE that, as a BUYER, which, yes I am, I will have an opportunity to leave HONEST feedback without fear of retaliation -- (well, sure, there are ways THAT can be circumvented too...but this is a POSITIVE post)
• I LIKE that the cost of listing items in my store will be less expensive (I was avoiding the items over $25.00 because I didn't want to spend 11 cents per month to house them there)
• I LIKE that, as a POWER SELLER in good STAR standing, I will see a return from eBay of a certain percentage of my fees, for simply maintaining a "stellar" buying opportunity for my buyers  (I have no reason to believe my buyers are going to suddenly turn bad or obnoxious and slam my stars)
• I LIKE that buyers MUST wait 3 days before leaving me negative feedback (I think that many buyers use the feedback as a communication to the seller that they were not happy. They will, typically, rush right in to leave that neg feedback....I suspect they will now be more inclined to CONTACT the seller through the messaging system....who knows, another opportunity to MAKE IT RIGHT.)
• I LIKE the free gallery photo. -- I was paying for it anyway, so, I'll take it for free.
  

I think there will be more things that I like about the changes.  (I'm pretty POSITIVE of that)  And I will learn how to make the forced changes hurt me less and help me more. Who knows, maybe one day they will ask the small-time sellers, "hey guys, what can eBay DO for YOU?"    Maybe...not Positive....but Maybe....

I went to bed early last night, in part due to my frustration with the changes announced by eBay yesterday.

On the surface, the fee structure changes seem as if they, providing I keep my stars well polished, will benefit me.  But I will need to start offering only higher priced items in my store in order to make the change in the store listing fee structure work for me.  Given the type of merchandise I sell, I will need to be very creative with this.  Most of my items are currently reasonably priced UNDER $20.  I will just have to look at this as another "learning opportunity."

On the surface, the FEEDBACK changes, "intended to bring back the buyers" seems completely out of whack to me.  If only positive feedback can be left for buyers there is no recourse for non-paying bidders who respond to the filed dispute.  And, to put a cherry on the "pretty please, buy my stuff" sundae sellers must dish up to DRAW in the customers....the non paying bidder CAN leave a negative feedback....without concern of retaliation....er....honesty from the seller.  Again, another opportunity for me to learn....

As I now understand eBay's take on this whole feedback for buyers thing,

• Buyers are a distinct entity....they are different from sellers (wrong...most sellers ARE buyers too)
• Agreeing to make a purchase, by using BIN better REQUIRE immediate payment through PayPal, or non-paying bidders will abound....why not?  Use the BIN on an item similar to one that I'm also bidding on at auction....if the auction price comes in lower, simply do not pay the BIN seller....Oh, and hold the right to leave the SELLER negative feedback, should he DARE to file a Non Paying Bidder Dispute....
• Buyers ARE the key to eBay success (I agree with this -- without them, we are a bunch of sellers, admiring each other's wares, while sitting broke on the curb.Or we are simply each others' buyers, in which case, it is really more of a swap meet.)
• The stars will continue to be "anonymous" meaning that eBay will claim they are unable to remove the LOUSY stars rating left by non-paying bidders, when they eventually get suspended from eBay....the feedback will go, but....the STARS will shine on, and on and on....er...the stars, dimmed by the Non Paying Bidder will dimly shine on and on and on....So....now I must also learn how to keep the buyers from tarnishing my stars, since, as a Power Seller, this will make a huge difference in the fees I cough up to eBay....
  

Well, clearly I have a lot to learn.  I guess I feel much as I did the day I left Junior High, a place I knew well, though I was not in love with most aspects of it, and went to High School....while education was the goal, I was overwhelmed by not having a clue how to find my way to the classrooms, and not knowing what exactly was expected of me...and being graded while I learned to negotiate all of these major changes.  Like that first day of High School, at least the whole "seller class" is entering at the same time....the "upper classmen buyers" might have fun with us for the first few days, but I imagine we'll soon figure out how to navigate the hallways of eBay High School.

Here's to learning!

Lifetime Summary:

Positives:  2927

Neutrals: 7

Negatives: 4

Feedback score: 2923

Positive Feedback:  99.9%

No mystery.  I always have left feedback first and have enjoyed remarkably good feedback, considering my buyer KNOW they cannot be hurt by leaving me a neut or a neg...so...in the new feedback system, those who have always waited for the positive feedback before reciprocating....I suspect your feedback will start to take on more of the flavor of mine....since the worst thing you will be able to do to a buyer is to leave NO feedback.

Now, since they posted these numbers, why won't they also post the stats of the feedback left by me??? 

What on earth is the POINT????  Buyers can ONLY get positive feedback???? I mean, certainly, I leave my customers positive feedback as soon as I print their shipping label, but non-paying bidders get negative feedback from me!  So, NOW, with the NEW and clearly NOT IMPROVED feedback plan, even my NON-PAYING BIDDERS will be allowed to leave me a negaitve, with no recourse, and I can ONLY leave them a positive......HOW ABSURD!!!

Feedback Changes
The eBay Feedback system was designed to provide a simple, honest, accurate record of member experiences. Focusing on customer service includes doing everything we can to grow customer confidence in our sellers.

• Buyers will only be able to receive positive Feedback.
• Positive repeat customer Feedback will count (up to 1 Feedback from the same buyer per week.)
• Feedback more than 12-months old won't count towards your Feedback percentage.
• When a buyer doesn't respond to the Unpaid Item (UPI) process the negative or neutral Feedback they have left for that transaction will be removed.
• When a member is suspended, all their negative and neutral Feedback will be removed.
• Buyers must wait 3 days before leaving negative or neutral Feedback for sellers with an established track record, to encourage communication.
• All Feedback must be left within 60 days (compared to 90 days today) of listing end to encourage timely Feedback and discourage abuse.
• Buyers will be held more accountable when sellers report an unpaid item or commit other policy violations.

I heard this command more than once in my early years.  Not that I was a bad kid, particularly, but I had a knack for telling everyone "the truth" about EVERYTHING.  While on the surface, this might sound like a great trait, in application as a child, it was not a good plan. I lacked the discretion necessary to tell the truth about only "my stuff."

Yes, I was compelled to correct my brothers, sister, mother, father, dog, cat, monkey, rat....you name it...if they spoke and I did not hear "the truth," I HAD to set the record straight.  Over the years I was punished on more than one occasion for telling the truth. 

Of course, in later years, I began to comprehend that MY truth was not necessarily THE truth.  Yes, hard to admit though it was, I had to accept that I was not always right.  And even on the occasions I WAS right, by blurting out the truth to negate the "falsehood" told by the other party, I made the situation worse.  If I corrected my parents, I was undermining their authority.  If I corrected my siblings, I was setting up a situation where my parents had to deal with not only the original tale teller, but also, the tattle-tale.

I still prefer to operate in the truth, but I also accept that my truth is not the same as another's.  The only truth I can really tell is my own.  And I have to allow others to do the same.  And, while I might wonder why they choose something other than the truth, I have to accept they have their reasons....and remai focused on my own issues....I imagine I have a full plate without concerning myself with theirs.

It's been a long time since I was commanded to go to my room....I think I'll keep it that way (but it's stillllllllll hard!)

Yesterday we sang a song.  The song I have sung many times.  I cannot make it through the fourth verse with dry eyes.  I think it might be the very hardest thing in life to do.

The Summons

1. Will you come and follow me if I but call your name?
Will you go where you don't know and never be the same?
Will you let my love be shown? Will you let my name be known,
will you let my life be grown in you and you in me?

2. Will you leave yourself behind if I but call your name?
Will you care for cruel and kind and never be the same?
Will you risk the hostile stare should your life attract or scare?
Will you let me answer prayer in you and you in me?

3. Will you let the blinded see if I but call your name?
Will you set the prisoners free and never be the same?
Will you kiss the leper clean and do such as this unseen,
and admit to what I mean in you and you in me?

4. Will you love the "you" you hide if I but call your name?
Will you quell the fear inside and never be the same?
Will you use the faith you've found to reshape the world around,
through my sight and touch and sound in you and you in me?

5. Lord your summons echoes true when you but call my name.
Let me turn and follow you and never be the same.
In Your company I'll go where Your love and footsteps show.
Thus I'll move and live and grow in you and you in me.

I wish you the a wonderful day, and hope that you will, indeed, be able to "love the 'you' you hide."

From my earliest memories, my sister and I were collectively referred to as "the girls" and our four brothers as, "the boys."  It made good sense back then.  Jeannie and I shared a room, so it was the "girls' room," and likewise, the four boys shared a room.  We even referred to each other in these terms.  They were the boys and we were the girls.  Eventually, we needed to further distinguish the various groups living in this house, and the boys were split into the "big boys" and the "little boys."  Understand, there were only seven years between my sister (the eldest) and our youngest brother.  But, the distinction was necessary.

We all grew up and moved away.  We went to school, or served in the military.  We found a partner, married and raised families.  Our children grew up and went off to school and to work.  We, established ourselves as individuals, and as members of new "groups."  But, to this day, when we talk on the phone, or plan via email a get together, the plans and discussions always seem to include, when we last heard from "the boys" or whether ":the girls" will be able to make the family get together.

And  I wonder....will we ever grow up?  We range in age today from 50 to 43.  When we are 90 to 83, will we still be referred to and be referring to each other as, "the boys," and "the girls?"

Last night I dreamed that I looked out the window beside my front door and saw a bunch of dogs on the front porch.  Surprised, I commented to my hubby that there sure were a lot of dogs on the porch.  He calmly replied that the dogs belonged to all the people who were parking their cars along our driveway, getting out and heading down our path to our pond.

I went outside, and sure enough, there were dozens of cars and lots of people...as if we were a public beach.  I called out to them, asking what they were doing.  They said they were going swimming in the pond.

Well, I thought to myself, these people are insane.  This is private property (mine) on a private pond (shared), and oh, by the way, there is NO WATER IN THE POND RIGHT NOW!!!.

I followed them down the path to the pond and imagine my surprise when I saw that not only was there water in the pond, but it was the lovely turquoise of the Gulf Coast beaches.  And the water level came farther up than it had before, rendering my new dock as a platform about 20 feet out in the water.  There were some stairs at the water's edge which are not in my real setting, but there were lots of people, well, to be honest, lots of teenage girls, on the steps and on the dock in their swimsuits, sunbathing.

I didn't know what to do.  I found I was feeling very guilty telling them that they had to leave and that this was not a place for them to come and use at will.  If they wanted to use my yard, they had to ask permission and be granted it before doing so.....they just looked at me and said they would do as they pleased.

I returned to the house, still in a quandary, but elated that we once again had water in the pond.....

And then I awoke....

So.....now I'm worried that when the water is back in the pond, I will have to fight off the mobs of people, well, teenage girls, who think they should come here to sunbathe....and park along my driveway....and let their dogs congregate on my front porch.....

(it's always SOMETHING!!!)

Today I was getting ready to work again on weeding out some of my archived posts.  I don't want to retain posts that were simple spam, or such.  But, I got off track...I started rereading the comments in the posts and clicking on the blogs of the commenters....

Many that I blogged with when I began here in August of 2006 no longer blog regularly, but some of them have not deleted their archived posts.  I had fun reading again, some of the really good posts that were made over the past 18 months or so.  Some I had never read when the first were published, and some I had both read and commented on when they were "prime time."  And it occurred to me that I am really happy to have the opportunity to read back to the birth of the blogs.  Some of the posts remind me of frustrations we faced in those "contest days."  Some of the posts were funny because of how WRONG they proved to be. 

In particular, the speculation of the "true identity" of those masquerading behind the 0 ID's, wreaking havoc and thrilling in the uproar they caused, was truly amazing.  Everyone, including your's truly, had an opinion.  Some had PROOF....well....oddly enough, much of the "proof" was conflicting...and in the end, many of those 0 ID's that came for no purpose but to cause a stir, left without anyone, besides the blogger himself, knowing their 'true identity."

And I had to learn a lesson that was a hard one for me to get through my thick skull.  I needed to concern myself with the message, not the messenger.  And I had to finally come to understand that not all 0 ID's are bad.  In fact, many good sellers and buyers have multiple ID's for legitimate purposes.

But mostly, I was reminded in my reading, that what I "knew" then, was less accurate than the "truth" I insisted I must have.  And I learned that we once had some really good writers writing about varied and interesting topics.  I am glad they have maintained their archives.  I might spend a few more hours there one day soon.

Finally, I have found something I can FULLY support.  I heard it on a commercial for some "miracle weight loss" thing-a-me-bob....and I HAD to admit, I too support

"favorable metabolic signaling"

Just thought you should know.....



(what the heck IS that anyway???)

Happy Birthday Dan!  An album of your 47 years....lots of blank spaces yet to fill!!!

Happy Birthday Dan...

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Love,
Judy

Everyone knows someone who is facing challenges, and most of us are facing challenges of our own.  Sometimes these challenges are of our own making, and sometimes they simply remain challenges because we are too afraid of facing them properly.  But there are challenges that we given, with which we must deal, and which we most certainly did not choose.  This is called LIFE.

Yesterday, on a routine call home to Ma, hubby found out that his 18 year old cousin, in his first year at Purdue, and on an athletic scholarship, will have to have his leg amputated in March.  After several months of treating what began as an apparent cyst on his leg (several procedures), the doctors finally discovered this young man has cancer, that has not yet spread from the leg.  Apparently, about 50 doctors reviewed his case and agreed the leg must be amputated.  But, for reasons I do not know and MIL was certainly not clear on, they have him on Chemo and will not operate until the middle of March.

Jimmy, the young man, is frustrated and wants them to just take the leg now, if they have to take it.  His life will change dramatically as a result of this new challenge, and he is willing to face it with his faith and determination.....but the fear of waiting is getting to him.

I wish Jimmy and his parents and sister strength and continued faith as he deals with Life's challenges.

When I was about eight years old, I sent away for the clear dome shaped umbrella, the handle of which was the yellow Morton Salt girl. I'm unclear as to why I was so taken with this umbrella, but taken I was and Mom allowed me to send my saved money and the necessary labels into the prize center to claim one of my very own.

I was very proud of my new umbrella and looked forward to the day I would get to use it.  I did not have to wait long.  For several rainy days, I made certain I had my trusty umbrella protecting me from the rain as I walked to and from school.  And to be honest, it is the ONLY time in my life I can recall feeling proud of owning a piece of clothing or accessory.

One day, not too long after getting the umbrella, we had a wicked thunderstorm brewing.  It was not yet raining but the wind was blowing hard, and I had the idea that I could pop open my umbrella and let it catch the wind....(I MIGHT have been overly influenced by Mary Poppins).  So, I popped it open and laughed with glee as the strong wind caught in the dome of the umbrella and literally pulled me along.  This was FUN!

However, my fun lasted only a few short seconds, as a strong gust of wind came and did, indeed, lift the umbrella up, and me off the ground!  Now, in retrospect, I am convinced it only pulled me off my feet, but I was certain I was about to take off like the wonderfully famous nanny with her carpet bag.  And in a flash, I let go of the umbrella, for I realized in that instant that I had no real desire to go souring into the unknown.

I lost my Morton Salt Girl umbrella that day.  While it was a cherished belonging, and I truly missed having it, I learned a lesson about myself that day.  I am no risk-taker.  I am happy to walk along at a comfortable pace rather than to hurtle through the exciting but hugely unknown roller coasters of life.  And when I see others, popping up their umbrellas to catch their chance at the flight of a lifetime, I wish them luck, and remember the Morton Salt Girl.

So, September 2006 the dam on our privately owned pond failed as a result of tropical storm Ernesto.....

Here we are, more than 16 months later and still working on the reconstruction project.  We will have water again, hopefully in the Spring.  The local paper was interested in our most recent pain and interviewed our Pond Association president.

Cow Creek Mill Pond's new dam set for spring completion

Residents hope the third time is the charm after the homeowners association pays $300,000 to replace the storm-damaged structure.

By NICOLAS ZIMMERMAN

247-4760

January 21, 2008

GLOUCESTER

Copyright © 2008, Newport News, Va., Daily Press

I post usually two or three times per day.  My posts are typically long, usually of little interest to the younger crowd and each averages comments from 8-12 bloggers.  The total comments are usually higher because they include my comments back.  So, on a "good" day, I might get 20-30 bloggers say hello to me, on MY posts.

Some of these bloggers, have actually noted that they are not bothering to READ what I wrote, but just wanted to say, "hi."  LOL I expect there are more who do the same without admitting such!

At any rate, if I were to post once per hour during the "standard blogging day" of 6 AM to midnight, I would have posted 18 times.  And if two people commented on each of my posts, I would have more comments than I enjoy today.  So, while you might consider only one or two comments a sign that you are not getting the attention you seek, presumably to draw traffic to your items, and to share with other bloggers, you are actually doing far better than I do on my couple of posts per day plan.

People visit and read, but do not always comment.  It's OK.  It is not a reflection of their like or dislike for the poster.  It is just a fact of life...sometimes, we have nothing to add.