They say that like it's a negative thing! Beatings  used to be mainstream. Parents would often threaten to beat some sense into us, or was that just me and my siblings? Theoretically it worked, as I survived the dreaded, I'll be lucky to live to eighteen, threat. On the off days they'd threaten to beat us senseless. Since we presumably started out that way, based on the promise to beat some sense into us, I'm not really sure what they were attempting to acomplish, but the beat (ings) went on.

How about getting smacked. Remember when that used to mean kissing? Or smacking one's lips. That never hurt. Then there were smack downs, which used to be verbal competition, not pugilistic. Then suddenly everybody went on a rampage and got Olivia...I mean physical and started to grease everybody. And while getting lubed was good, sorta....getting greased wasn't.

Remember the good old days when most Americans only discriminated by color? Not that doing that was good, but at least it was simple. Now people discriminate against religion, color, creed, motto's, sex, sexual preferences, lifestyles, food, music, emotions, fads; pretty much anything containing letters of the alphabet and/or any combination of the above. Crazy. Who's got time to discriminate and why bother. If you alienate everybody you know, then who are you gonna send those threatening chain letters too? You gotta love chain letters. They always started out so positive. Something like, we can't say that if you don't respond to this you will die a horribly painful death by being eaten slowly to death by ants, but it could happen regardless...then they'd go on to tell you how fortunate you were, or would be, if you would just send the letter/e-mail on to a couple of dozen people you knew. Being that my e-mail list consists of three people, and a sock puppet that I kept getting into arguements with, these threats always made me nervous. So I'd forward them to people that I knew cared about me. The local church, the FBI, the CIA, city, state and national employees from various divisions like Social Security, Food Stamps, HUD, etc...I knew they'd all be there for me. Little did I know.

Oh well...I must close now. The candle is almost burnt out and the yak is tiring, which means that the power to my laptop is about to expire. One thing I've learned, since forwarding all of those chain letters, caves aren't all that bad.

Don't forget, tomorrow is national hair net day. Wear yours, even if you are follically challenged.

Adios!

It was an honest mistake, bemoaned the confused vorpal. They looked so plump, so juicy...so blueberry-ish. It wasn't until after I took a bite that I realized my mistake. I think it was the high-pitched scream that gave it away.

It is with deep regret that I mention the passing of Grandmaster and Weapons Historian Hanshi Sid Campbell, after a long and valiant stuggle against the cancer that eventually took his life.

I first met Sid when I tested for my first belt in the Shorin Ryu Martial Arts system at his first dojo located in Oakland, California. I missed my belt by a narrow margin, but was impressed by how fast Sid moved for a man his size.

Sid had a deep and abiding love for life and spent most of his teaching others how to defend themselves. Sid has written numerous martial arts how-to manuals, an impressive history on the Shorin Ryu system documenting its history from its beginnings to modern day, several autobiographies on Bruce Lee's Oakland years, a couple of historical reference manuals, the most notable being on Hawaii's proud warrior history, and a humorous how-to guide called Self-Defense for Wimps.

Sid acted in, and helped choreograph, a number of well known, and a few not so well known, martial arts films. It is in these films, that you can see how much Sid loved his life, and working with those he considered his friends.

I had the honor of attending Sid's last anniversary just a short time ago, and if the jokes at the roast were any indication, Sid had many close friends, who loved him dearly. To them, I offer my heart felt condolences. We'll all miss Sid, each in our own fashion. In my mind, I can see Sid approaching St. Peter who is just about to speak, but before St. Peter can utter a word, Sid would most likely interrupt with....."Say, did I ever tell you the joke about Rabbi, the Priest and the...... I'm not sure where it would go from there, but I'm sure, like Sid's life, it would be interesting. I'm not sure what would be more appropriate at this time, Everybody's Kung-Fu Fighting, or Carry On Wayward Son..perhaps both...and with the last name of Campbell....Amazing Grace on bagpipes wouldn't hurt.

Bye Sid....see you in the dojo.

You know, when somebody starts a blog fight, then suddenly it's like a free for all at a WWF cage match, only without the cage? I used to be constantly amazed at the quantity of fights and the content of said drama. Eventually, though, it got boring and very, very sad.

There are a handful of people that one can expect to see in any blog drama. There are the two who actually got into the fight, followed by their friends, who join in for various reasons ranging from the noble defense of their buddies, to those who just like to gang up on people. And finally, the passer bys, who either heard about the fight and wanted to see it, or just happened by.

I have to ask, is anyone honestly impressed by this complete lack of decorum and class? Are you more inclined, or less inclined, to buy something from the people who participate in these debacles? To me, these fights seem like an easy way to discourage and scare off any number of potential customers. Good business sense says this is not good. If every time you walked into a store, the people inside were yelling and screaming, you'd probably stop frequenting that store and go someplace else and on eBAY, there are plenty of other stores for people to shop from, that's for sure.

I can only offer the following advice for both buyers and sellers.

1) Never address anyone, that you don't know very well, in a manner that you wouldn't want your own five year old to use when talking to grandma.

2) Be difficult to offend. Many misunderstand and take offense at comments that were not meant to be offensive. Printed comments are often misconstrued, as they lack the vocal and visual cues that help others to interpret them.

3) Don't fight with the fighters, it's exactly what they want. The second you reply, they win. Ignore them and they will go away. Report them if they don't. Everyone else in the blog should also report them. Results may not be immediate, but the more who report, the faster it happens.

4) If you have an issue with a seller, or a buyer, the correct venue for dealing with them is between you, them and eBAY. When the squabble moves into the general blogs, all parties lose. You lose customers, you lose respect, you just plain lose.

5) Avoid conflict, especially if you can't handle the emotional outbursts of children, cuz in the end, that's what these arguements generally become. Nothing more than childish finger pointing, name calling and bullying.

6) Many problems occur when a transaction goes bad. The first thing to do is to avoid transactions with people who have less than stellar ratings. Always check feedback before you bid/purchase. If it's anything less than 100%, read all neutral and negative feedback for the last couple of months. Take the comments to heart if multiple people are saying the same thing. As a rule, the people who are taking advantage of other people, won't cut you any slack.

7) Use common sense in all aspects of eBAY. Deals to good to be true, usually are. Common sense often warns you when a deal is to good to be true, it is greed that over-rides that warning and prompts you to bid, despite knowing better. Don't be surprised when that ten dollar Coach purse turns out to be a knock-off. Read all of the listing. If the postage isn't clearly stated, beware! Combined shipping doesn't always equal savings. Some will combine your shipments into a single box, but will still charge you the full individual price, as if each item had been shipped individually. Ask questions!

8) Don't try and negotiate changes after you have won the bid, or purchased the items. By placing a bid, you agreed to the terms of the listing, regardless of how badly you are getting screwed. If you feel that you have been taken advantage of, contact the seller, then eBAY, but never forget the lesson you should have learned. Don't bid until you are sure of the details. Never communicate or buy outside of eBAY as this often leads to heartbreak. Even when a deal falls through and the item is offered to the next lowest bidder, the deal should still take place through eBAY. If you deal outside of eBAY, even if the seller is an eBAY seller, you will not be covered by eBAY or PayPal. This is not to say that you can't ask for an alternative service, but don't get upset if the seller declines. The seller told you in their listing how things would go and the seller is not required to make any changes. Ask and hope for the best. However, if your request is denied, accept it gracefully. After all, you agreed to the terms. Likewise, once you win an item, you should never be asked for additional funds, no matter what the seller says. The listing was their responsibility. If they screwed up the shipping price, that is their fault, not yours. They are obligated to ship the item via the terms of the listing. Sellers have no right to ask for additional monies after the item has been paid for, nor are you obligated to give them any.

9) Be polite, even when filing a claim. Using a polite tone and a well-crafted sentence will usually get you further with just about anyone. For instance ---Dear Sir I think you were mistaken--- almost always comes off better than ---Hey you blood sucking leech, you are full of cr&p!.

NOTE: Please keep in mind that the opinions above are that of a simple vorpal bunny often referred to as brain damaged, mental, and/or completely daft, to which I reply, thank you for the nice comments. They are only suggestions that one hopes might improve the overall eBAY experience for most of us. However, given that troublemakers, are usually just that, it is unlikely that they will heed this advice. Perhaps, assuming you choose to heed this advice, we can gradually weed out those who prey on others and make the eBAY experience anything less than fun. It could happen!

Take care and thank you for reading this long diatribe. Your comments are definitely welcome whether you agree, or disagree, with them.

Peace,

Vern the Voracious Vorpal

...or, Kermit, Where Art Thou?

I think the Muppet Show was a great example of the way life is. Some parts are predictable, in that the show would go on....but what would happen, exactly, despite best laid plans, was not. I mean, who knew that the Swedish Chef was going to make cole slaw with a head of cabbage and a musket? And Dr. Bunson Burner's experiments never went quite as he, or anyone else for that matter, expected. Just ask Beaker. The Muppet show was staffed with a wide assortment of critters of all shapes, sizes, colors. Who the heck knows what demographics they represented? And leading this chaos engine was Kermit, a small green frog. Yet every week, he managed to pull the entire ensemble together and create a show. Sure, sometimes the strange aliens ate the chickens, or Gonzo, mistaking him for fungus from their home planet, and yes...Fozzy told jokes that actually hurt, but despite all of this, they were a team...from Animal, to Sweetums, to Pigs in Space, and let us not forget...Dr. Mayhem. But Kermit, god bless his little heart, managed to hold the group together and melding them into some sort of bizarre television sculpture that offended and pleased the senses simultaneously. This is the kind of leadership we need today, and that is why I think we should vote Kermit the Frog for President of the United States....and possibly the entire world. Of course, there is the risk that he will show lily-pad favoritism...but I think we can all live with that. Our current system is already a swamp...so it wouldn't be much of a change. The major difference is that Kermit's swamp would actually foster life, and a very mixed bag of it, at that! Kermit rules, Animal drools, and Sweetums will take out the fools.

KERMIE FOR PREZ! WAKKA...WAKKA...WAKKA!