I see you've been reading again. I bet you thought the "secret admirer" was somebody other than yourself when you saw the thread name. Nope, it is you and you know it now.

What is it really that you want from me? I really don't know because over the years it has always been something different. But I have always only wanted one thing from you. Not to take the garbage out, not to clean the garage, not to cook dinner once in a while, not to make your own lunches, not to drive the kids to church and sports, not to stop watching tv, not to fix this or fix that, not to do those "manly things" so I don't have to ~ to show me that you love me. Love is not a word, it is an action.

What you've wanted from me is to clean the house (even though I do!) or dress nicer or stop being "so hard" on the kids (our kids are wonderful and stay out of trouble because I am "hard" on them) or hang your clothes and make sure you can dress yourself in the morning or organize things better or call this person because "you don't have the time because you work all day" or take care of lawyers and private investigators or make sure our yard is nice or this or that. If those aren't done, you don't love me. If I don't have goals and dreams just like you, then you don't love me. If I don't look for a career and want to "do something with my life" then you don't love me.

What is love to you? Do you know?

Love is compassion, understanding, caring, patience, and also physical touch. Love is a feeling you can't just stop here and there or start here and there. Love is why I stay married to you. Love is why I try to understand you when you are crabby everyday. Love is why I'm patient enough to stay even though I go through depression and loss of self. Love is why I care for you when you are sick. Love is why I look at you the compassionate way I do even though you tell me to quit staring at you. Love is why I like to be close to you and hold your hand and lie next to you and touch you. Love is why I am with you, NOT someone else. Love, I cannot turn off for you.

I do have one goal in life and it has always been the same since I was in high school and may I add, will never go away no matter how depressed I am. My goal in life is to love and be loved. People have asked me a lot over the years what my goal in life is and that has always been my reply. It is MY goal whether anyone thinks it is a goal for life or not. I did have a dream of going to another country and did so but you made the whole experience just a sour thought for me. I achieved another goal/dream in my life and that was to see the ocean. Unfortunatly both times becames sour thoughts also ~ I was with the person who molested me for years one time and the other I was there to be with my friend while she was dying. I'd like to achieve a goal/dream with beautiful thoughts for once, not sour ones. Maybe when I get to go horseback riding with my mom and Kathy soon, it'll be a good one.

Anyway, think about what love really is for you. Have you ever really loved someone (intimately and romantically of course)?

To my secret admirer,

My paper journals and my online blogs seems to interest you the most, so it seems this is our only way of communication. I wonder though how you read so much about me and see all my inner thoughts and wants, yet you still hide behind a wall. Why read the stuff? The only reason to read this stuff is to get to know me better and thus treat me better. Otherwise it should put down.

If you are admiring my journals and blogs to try to find some dirt, then you should just give up! You haven't found anything because I haven't done anything. It should be me who is digging for dirt because you are the one with many secrets.

I don't know what to do. Love is not how much money you make, what kind or how nice your house is, how spotless your house is, or what you've done in your lifetime. Yes, dreams should be something we strive for, but your dream may be different from mine. I have lost my dreams and each day that passes that you act like this, they go farther and farther away. I made a desicion to try to find those dreams again with or without you, but it is easier said than done. I hope that I am not pushed to the point that I have to find my dreams on my own. I'm being told that nobody should be pushed to the point that I have. I have been pushed farther than I thought I would ever go already - how can I handle much more?

I will leave it at this for now, even though I could go on for days.

I love you my secret admirer ♥

Just so you know...

Steve-O-meter you have checked out---------he is really a she! Steve-o just rises her meter so that's probably why she has that name (really I don't know why, but I do know that she IS a girl)

And no, I do not want Lure_daddy (even if he wasn't 65) I just wondered why he is so sweet and knows so much about how to treat people.

For all of you who are reading this besides my secret admirer......don't even try to figure this out- you won't (at least I don't think you will)

I have a secret admirer. He checks the things I do.

That's okay because also with him, I do too.

He's all looks and boy what a TEN,

but he's looking to see where I've been.

He thinks he'll catch something new.

But I tell ya I'm becoming blue.

If this admirer spent as much time with me

what a great husband he would be.

He wants a life full of mutual trust

But his compassion to me is a must.

He does things to hurt, and without a care

my feelings are which he does not spare

He works hard and with success in thought

but doesn't realize love cannot be bought

When will we ever make it right

Is happiness going to be near in sight?

This I cannot handle much more

What is this life I am fighting for?

Love compassion and growing old

I feel as if it has been tossed or sold

Life is not meant for us to meddle

Know this, Not much longer will I settle!

k.p.

You have me all wrong so please go read the post you left me about gays and such about the Lure_daddy post

I am only prejudice against people who are prejudice.

I really need to go to bed so goodnight! 4:30 AM will be coming early now that it is 2:25 AM! EEEEEK

Luredaddy, I think I love you!! :) wink wink! LOL  Do you think 32 years difference would really be that bad? Oh wait, maybe the difference of single and married would be! Sorry. DARN!

Being 65 for one, and two having done and experienced it all! Usually men just can't be sweethearts by just being men, they actually have to be older and experience life to realize that they freaking screwed up and now they have to do it right because the woman who was there all along was the greatest woman who treated you right!!!!

Back to top

luredaddy652 ( 2182)

View items for sale

You got me laughing.I am 65,straight male all the way,medically retired and has been around the horn twice over.I've packed more living,fighting and fueding that most would in five life times.I traveled around the world several times over and have live in a number of different countries,I've lived in and studied a great number of cultures and am a student of the world's religions.Been married three times to beautiful women inside and out-it's only skin deep.No living children,my daughter died of a heroin overdose.I don't drink or smoke anymore,can't chase wild women,they are too fast and don't know how to tell dirty jokes.I am fairlt well educated and extensively read.Other than that,what you see is what you get

Dec-13-06 22:56:42 PST Delete | Report this comment

 

OK LUREDADDY, are you married????
Wait, you don't have to answer that....all the good ones are taken. Yeah, I'm a good one too and I'm taken (but my owner is questionable. lol)

Ya know, I have seen a lot of your posts and it is really odd how loving you seem to be. I'm just curious how old you are? And you are a male right? If so are you a heterosexual male 100%?

I know this is a little forward and personal but there must be something wrong with you?! LOL

If you are older than 40, I can see that maybe you can be a nice guy. But my generation just doesn't know what love is!

Just curious.

Speaking of love, I better get to bed soon because I have to go in to work tomorrow and I usually drive in so my hubby don't have to ~ if I stay on here too much longer, I won't be able to drive tomorrow!

A question ~ Do you think people who have attempted suicide are crazy?

What if your best friend was the nicest person ever and was just treated poorly. You do everything you can to help her yet she is still so unhappy and just can't take anymore and tries to kill herself. Would you think she is a crazy person and needs to be put away?

What about you? Are you the type of person that will do anything for anybody and try to never ever hurt anybody but people treat you so terrible and you can't say anything to stand up for yourself and feel there is no way out? One night you have an emotional night and can't handle it anymore and try to commit suicide? Are you crazy??

How about the teens who keep getting pushed and pushed and teased and teased and they kill themselves. Are they crazy?

When I was a kid, it seemed we didn't have much money, but every year we would get a gift and go to the mall to give it to someone that "seemed" like they could use it. (I know that seems so sterotypical) My mom would always say "give it to the kid that you think would like or need it most for christmas." And I would have the great pleasure of giving a bag to someone and walking away. The look on their face was just in pure question! I loved it! We used to do things like this all the time. We would knock on neighbors doors, run and they would open it to a frienship cake or a bag with a smiley face on it.

My family now doesn't have A Whole bunch of money and our christmases are ok (the kids get stuff but it is not always what they really want.) I haven't always been able to do stuff for people like I want (and sorry to say but there are people out there who will cry and cry about not being able to get anything for their kids but yet they smoke 2 packs a day and drink 2 packs a day and get pop and chips and candy and all kinds of toys and stuff)

But anyway to my point ~ my daughter has a friend named Justine. We took Justine home the other day and she told me that her parents aren't putting up a tree because they couldn't have Christmas this year. Her parents own a business and have been really doing bad at it and are actually trying to sell it now because it has been terrible for them. Well her parents can't buy presents this year and can't put up a tree because the parents can't get up into the attic to get the tree (I'll explain a little more about that later) because of back problems.

How can you go without a tree? Even if you can't give your kids gifts? Ahhhhhhh

I brought her home again another day and asked her again about it and she told me the businesses are still doing bad. It just so happens that I have an extra tree here. It's only a 4 foot but I went and bought a few decorations and  also printed out some flyers for their businesses for them and put it on their doorstep while they were all away at work and school.

Unfortunately it rained and thank goodness I put the flyers in a bubblebag and garbage bag too. Today my daughter asked me if I did it. Justine told my daughter that she knew that I would be the only person who would do such a nice thing.

I LIED!!!! And it felt good! I told her "nope it wasn't me" (I had to lie to my daughter too because she can't keep secrets--shhhhhhhhhh)

I just never felt so good at lying before! LOL HEE HEE HEE I love having Santa's spirit in me! Now I'm just hoping that I will be able to send some gift cards or something over there so the parents can go buy some gifts for the girls (13 and 15) I feel good about doing it too though because these parents aren't the type that take advantage of anything- they are hard working parents who try to use their money wisely.

It is hard to lie though without smiling *smirk*

I wish I was rich so I could do this more!!!!

Listed a few things other than clothes this time. My dad is over doing some laundry so I only listed a few. I planned on listing all night! But you know how that goes ~ it never goes the way you want it ~ and I actually was in the mood to list (I had the ambition at least.)

I made a wax dipped bear that is just adorable! Go check her out in my store... I put up a brand new plasma ball from Spencer's gifts and put up some prints also.

Well, I'm gonna list some more stuff so I won't be in here probably. (ya never know though *~*

Just got in about 5 minutes ago and checked stuff and came in here. I had a long day and I'm super tired now that I've looked at my screen! lol

I wanted to list and blog tonight but I seriously don't think I can stay awake because it is so late and had such a stressful day.

Well, hello and goodbye. I'll tell you about my day today tomorrow. lol

<<<---- that reminds me of the town that we used to go in when we went to the tip of the thumb to our cottage. Hi and Goodbye town. You turn left and then instantly turn right and the store on the corner was pretty much the town. I honestly don't even remember the real name of the town.

Anyway, I there's a blog post that I saw last night that I wanted to respond to but will do that tomorrow.

Oh, we finally got our tree up today.

I listed some boys stuff earlier and just listed a few Mens stuff.

I have some womens/girls stuff going soon too--NEW stuff

And if you're looking for 8 track tapes, come look!

I combine shipping on almost everything (Young Living cannot be combined because I am a distributor and order directly from company)

         I have these in white and brown NWT sizes from 3 to 13

          Also NWT!

  Just 1 cent for these!

 Mens stretch shirt like new!

  NWT religious tee

and some button up shirts--cool ones---for those teens or men who love to layer (it's the style!)

And my prices are not expensive!! Check out my store or tell a friend! I just want to get rid of a lot of stuff that we are getting rid of (we'll be moving within a year hopefully)

Goodnight all! Daughter has a volleyball tournament in the morning that I have to go to so I better get some sleep ...zzzzzzz

If so, please tell me about it, I may be interested.

Just to give you an idea of how you can change the landscape and such. 

 http://i9.ebayimg.com/06/i/000/7d/a4/dce7_10.JPG

I used to be really good at the graphics stuff, but the friend that got me into it all died of cancer a little over a year ago (she was my online friend that I got to meet in person!) and I stopped in my graphics making altogether. It was probably just a grief stage that I was going through, but I am getting back into it slowly ( very slowly)

Kellie

*P.S. Royalty free if you wish

Just a quickie I made in Bryce. It looks really good as your desktop pic!

http://i16.ebayimg.com/05/i/000/7d/a3/32a7_10.JPG

This is not a giveaway, it is just something I'm posting "royalty free" LOL

Or your spouses drive to work?

My hubby has to drive about 1 1/2 hours and two times a week I go with him also for my work (I always drive though to give him a break)

from florida.lisa I am soo soo excited! I hope they come tomorrow.

Isn't that terrible when you get excited about a bra??  Yeah so I hardly buy for myself. I buy groceries and stuff but hardly ever just stuff that I want for me. Stuff that I like or even sometimes need :~

But I hope hope hope I see a cute little package tomorrow sitting inside my door! (yeah, my mailperson is cool cause they'll knock if I'm sleeping and just put it inside so it don't get ruined-or put it in my garage if front door's locked~ benefits of small town.lol)