About Me- Member since: Aug-03-07 11:56:02 PDT
- Location: United States
- 30,019 views
| Most Recent Posts Posted Aug-14-08 11:27:11 PDT  Today it is raining, raining hard today. We don't have any rainbows because the sun is hidden behind the clouds. BUT, we do have waterfalls. It is interesting, here in Hawaii, we have rainbows nearly every day where I live. I am right by the Koolau Mountains and it rains just about every day for at least a short time. But today, it is pouring, and the ridges on the mountains have waterfalls. I can count 16 right from my back door. We usually have one or the other, rainbows OR waterfalls, seldom both. Each beautiful in its own way.
The picture above is one of my son Boddhi's art works. It is an ink and watercolor. Strange yet beautiful in its own way.
Kat
Posted Aug-14-08 10:12:43 PDT Mal, that was beautiful. Left me crying, but in a good way. Thank you so much for sharing. Gotta take grand-daughter to school so won't be here, but just wanted to thank you.
Love,
Kat Posted Aug-13-08 03:24:24 PDT 
The title to this piece of art is Mandala Madness.
It is graphite and watercolor, by my son, Jason> He prefers to be called Boddhi. Boddhi has a brain tumor, it is inoperable and is growing at an alarming rate. He did this piece of art a few years ago, but it came to my mind when I got his phone call tonight. He has been vomiting for weeks now and nothing has been helping as far as medications. However, the good news is that he is no longer vomiting blood. Apparently he has some very extreme vertigo, so extreme that he is thinking of moving out of his 2nd story apartment to a ground floor place as he cannot even look out the windows or walk down any stairs without getting naseous.
Tonight our discussion was about vertigo and death.
I guess the vertigo has been going on for over a year, on and off. Sometimes it is so severe that Boddhi says he has to literally crawl from one room to another or he will get sick. I didn't know about this until tonight and it was happening when he was living with me. He was too ashamed to tell me! In the middle of the night, he would often CRAWL to the bathroom. He says he feels like a fool crawling around. My heart just weeps for him. What is worse, is that there is nothing I can do to help. Some medications worked for awhile, but whatever is happening in his head is getting past the point of any help.
Now the death part. He's afraid. I'm afraid. I don't know how to comfort him. I don't know how to take the fear away. I long for those days when I could kiss the booboo and that helped make everything better. Now all I can do is listen when he feels like talking. He never feels like talking during the day, it is always in the middle of the night. Like, I just got off the phone with him, it is 12:12am in Hawaii, but it is 4:12am in Colorado, where Boddhi is. He rarely sleeps at night. I am not sleeping much at night either these days, but I know I sleep more than he does.
Hug your loved ones, tell them how much you love them.
Hugs from me to you,
Kat
Posted Aug-05-08 23:43:54 PDT Updated Aug-05-08 23:50:06 PDT 
The title to this piece is: Thinking of Rachel. Boddhi did this work in ink and watercolor when he was missing his sister and had her in his thoughts. Look very carefully, there are many little brownies and sprites and fairies throughout.
Boddhi is still doing artwork, though his recent works are dark and scarey, I think they are a reflection of his fight against cancer, which is something that is dark and scarey.
The other night he called and shared some memories he was having of his childhood. What was tragic was that they were not real memories, but he THOUGHT they were. The brain tumor is now affecting his memory.
He was so convinced that what he was telling me was true. The two stories he told me did have little bits of truth in them, but then were distorted to be more or less nightmares, both of which he was convinced he had harmed other people when he was a child. In one "memory" he was sure he had thrown a rock off a bridge when he was 5 and killed someone below him. He had called to ask why we hadn't called the police or an ambulance when he killed that person. It never happened, though we had gone to the bridge (Royal Gorge in Colorado) and we had warned him not to throw pennies off the bridge as people below could get hurt. The other "memory" was of him swimming as a child and seeing a little girl that was dead floating in some water plants where he was catching tadpoles. He had been present when we as adults had dragged a pond looking for a young girl who had drowned in a tragic accident. He was 3 at the time and never swam or went in the water without either his father or I in the water with him, so he could not have seen that girl, besides we found her in the middle of the pond which was much too deep for a 3 year old to be in. He thought he had caused her to drown. I feel so bad for him, these memories seem so real to him. Posted Aug-05-08 22:36:45 PDT Hubby and I met in a chat room on the internet. He was in Atlanta and I was in Colorado Springs. We emailed, IMed and talked on the phone for months. Finally, he sent me a ticket to come visit him and I never went back home.
Its been a wonderful 8 years and I count myself lucky to have found such a great husband. He has been an amazing support to me in the past few months especially when we have been dealing with my son's brain tumor. David is always here to hold me up and encourage me.
Thanks, Sweetie, I love you more than I can ever tell you.
Tomorrow night we are going out to a special seafood buffet to celebrate.
Love always,
Kat |
