The origin of a Muffbro

In order to be a Muffbrother, you must first KNOW a 'made' muffbrother or sister....(yes Virginia, there are 'Muff Sisters' too).......this is complicated by the fact, that at the time I was admitted to that very exclusive club there were less than 742 Muffbrothers and Sisters in the entire world. Thats right...out of a world of nearly 5.6 billion humans on the face of this planet...a truly miniscule number...less than 0.000013232142857142858of the worlds population...

 I had the good fortune to know several ....though at first I did not realize it.

Serendipitous discoveries are of significant value in the advancement of  your: humor....intellect and often even your very soul, and often are the foundation for important intellectual leaps of understanding....I was on the edge of a great discovery.

....after being invited to join this small group of  adventurers who literally "flew into the heavens". I was prepared for the final step of my journey to a freedom few...(as we already know,) ...  have ever witnessed ...much less have been a part of. 

(Apotropaic magic may have been involved... and I still have the talisman I was presented  on the completion of my journey)

My fellow Brothers brought me to the location of the start of our journey and we acended to the heavens...thru the clouds we flew...ever higher until we reached the zenith of our flight and after a short almost weightless apogee.........we plunged downward thru the azure skys....accelerating ever faster.....until we reached the terminal velocity we had been searching for...and connected into the formation necessary to complete the my quest....at that moment I was transformed by the experience and was now the seven hundred and forty second person in the history of this planet to be so named....a Muffbro....after we landed , we joined with our Muffsisters around the sacred fire and drank from the fabled "Green Bottles"...which contained the elixer of life......otherwise known as Heineken....where we partied and laughed and told of stories that will be remembered for a lifetime.....

Thats right.....I had just made a skydive with a bunch of friends...I had worn a borrowed pair of earmuffs and had 'docked' with  fellow Muffbrothers while in flight at around 13,000 feet in the skys above the dropzone in Northen California....smiling and laughing at the silliness and absolute fun of it all....

.....thats how I came to be known as Muffbro#742.  ( muff )

SPANISH WORD OF THE DAY: TISSUE

Gbay, everyone knows you have no sense of humor, maybe we could help tissue how to find one.

SPANISH WORD OF THE DAY: JUICY

HEY!  I am trying to avoid gbay cuz he is mean, please tell me if juicy him OK ??

SPANISH WORD OF THE DAY: BISHOP

We had a party and my ole lady had been drinkin all day, she fell down and I had to pick the bishop.

SPANISH WORD OF THE DAY: MUSHROOM

When all my family gets in the car, there's not mushroom. 

SPANISH WORD OF THE DAY: CHICKEN

My girl wanted me to go to the store, but chicken go by herself.

What Gets Longer When Pulled,                        
                                                      
Fits Between your Boobs,                             
                                                      
Inserts Neatly in a Hole                             
                                                      
AND.... Works Best When Jerked?                          
                                                      
                                                      
                                                      
                                                      
                                                  
                                                      
                                                      
                                                      









                                                      
A Seatbelt you Pervert! Buckle Up!     

              

BROUGHT TO YOU BY THE AMERICAN SEAT BELT ADVISORY BORED.

SPANISH WORD OF THE DAY: WATER 

My girl gets mad and I don't even know water problem is!

Dear Abby,

I am a crack dealer in Texas , who has recently been diagnosed as a carrier of HIV virus.  One of my sisters lives in Pflugerville and is married to a transvestite. My father and mother have recently been arrested for growing and selling marijuana. They are financially dependent on my other two sisters, who are prostitutes . I have two brothers: one is currently serving a life sentence at Huntsville for the murder of a teenage boy in 1994. My other brother is currently in jail awaiting charges of sexual misconduct with his three children. I have recentl y become engaged to marry a former prostitute who lives in Longview . She is a part time 'working girl'.

All things considered, my problem is this. I love my fiancee and look forward to bringing her into the family. I certainly want to be totally open and honest with her.

Should I tell her about my cousin who supports Barack Obama for President?

Signed,
Worried About

My Reputation

1. 40%  of all workers in L. A. County ( L. A. County has 10.2 million people)are  working for cash and not paying taxes. This is because they are  predominantly illegal immigrants working without a green card.
2.  95%  of warrants for murder in Los Angeles are for illegal aliens.
3.  75%  of people on the most wanted list in Los Angeles are illegal aliens.  
4. Over  2/3  of all births in Los Angeles County are to illegal alien Mexicans on  Medi-Cal , whose births were paid for by taxpayers.
5. Nearly  35%  of all inmates in California detention centers are Mexican nationals here  illegally
6. Over  300,000 illegal aliens  in Los Angeles County are living in garages.
7. The FBI reports half  of all gang members in Los Angeles are most likely illegal aliens from  south of the border.
8. Nearly  60%  of all occupants of HUD properties are illegal.
9. 21 radio stations  in L. A. are Spanish speaking.
10. In L. A. County 5.1 million people  speak English, 3.9 million speak Spanish.
(There are 10.2 million  people in L. A. County . )
  
(All  10 of the above are from the Los Angeles Times)  
   

"In March 2000, Congress made public Department of Justice statistics showing that, over the previous five years, the INS had released over 35,000 criminal aliens instead of deporting them. Over 11,000 of those released went on to commit serious crimes, over 1,800 of which were violent ones [including 98 homicides, 142 sexual assaults, and 44 kidnappings]. 
    

Citing an Urban Institute study, director of research for the Center for Immigration Studies Steven Camorata noted in 2004: "Roughly 18 percent of the prison population at the federal level are illegal aliens. That's a huge number since illegal aliens only account for about 3 percent of the total population."

SPANISH WORD OF THE DAY: JULY

 
You tol me joo were goin' to the store and July to me! Julyer!

::   BREAKING NEWS   ::

 

IN 2009 the government will start killing all mentally ill people !!

 

I started crying when I thought of you.

 

 

FOR GODS SAKE RUN!!!!!

know any good hiding places?? I NEED one !!

http://en.zappinternet.com/video/nilSqaMboM/HISTORIA-DE-UN-LETRERO

Most social workers, personal injury lawyers, journalists, actors, dreamers in Hollywood and group therapists are liberals. Liberals invented the designated hitter rule because it wasn't fair to make the pitcher also bat.
 
 
Conservatives drink domestic beer, mostly Bud. They eat red meat and still provide for their women. Conservatives are big-game hunters, rodeo cowboys, lumberjacks, construction workers, firemen, medical doctors, police officers, corporate executives, athletes, Marines, and generally anyone who works productively.

Conservatives who own companies hire other conservatives who want to work for a living.
 
 
Liberals produce little or nothing. They like to  govern the producers and decide what to do with the production. Liberals believe Europeans are more enlightened than Americans...That is why most of the liberals remained in Europe when conservatives were coming to America . They crept in after the Wild West was tamed and created a business of trying to get something for nothing...and this brings us up to date......sort of.....
 
 
Here ends today's lesson in world history.

Another interesting evolutionary side note: most of their women have higher testosterone levels than their men.

These were the foundations of modern civilization and together were the catalyst for the splitting of humanity into two distinct subgroups:
 
1. Liberals, and
2. Conservatives.
 
Once beer was discovered, it required grain and that was the beginning of agriculture. Neither the glass bottle nor the aluminum can had been invented yet, so while our early ancestors were sitting around waiting for them to be invented, they just stayed close to the brewery. That's how villages were formed.
 
Some men spent their days tracking and killing animals to B-B-Q at night while they were drinking beer. This was the beginning of what is now known as the Conservative movement. Other men who were weaker and less skilled at hunting learned to live off the conservatives by showing up for the nightly B-B-Q's and doing the sewing, fetching, and hair dressing. This was the beginning of the Liberal movement.

stay tuned for part 3

HUMAN EVOLUTION.....  (sort of)

Humans originally existed as members of small bands of nomadic hunter /gatherers

They lived on deer in the mountains during the summer and would go to the coast and live on fish and lobster in the winter.

 The two most important events in all of history were the invention of beer and the invention of the wheel.

The wheel was invented to get man to the beer. 

stay tuned for part two

Happiness is not only HOW you feel.......  

.... but how you remember.

My dog is worried about the economy....

Alpo is up to .99 cents a can. That's almost $7.00 in dog money.