NO MAN KNOWS MORE ABOUT WOMEN THAN I DO.................

and I know nothing....

Paradise is exactly like where you are today....only much, much better.

Laurie Anderson

As I was walking up a stair,

I met a man that wasn't there.

He wasn't there again today,

I wish, I wish he'd stay away.

H. Mearnes

Beer is proof.......... that God loves us and wants us to be happy....

Benjamin Franklin

I never believed in Santa Claus.......... cuz I knew no white dude would ever come into my neighborhood at night.

Dick Gregory

I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of some weird regious cult.

Rita Rudner

We make a living by what we get, we make a life by what we give....

Sir Winston Churchill

It was a woman who drove me to drink........and I never got a chance to thank her.

WC Fields

The price of freedom of religion...of speech...or the press or ANY freedom for that matter is that we have to put up with a lot of crap....necessary crap to be sure but crap nonetheless.

"In the first place, we should insist that if the immigrant who comes here in good faith becomes an American and assimilates himself to us, he shall be treated on an exact equality with everyone else, for it is an outrage to discriminate against any such man because of creed, or birthplace, or origin. But this is predicated upon the person's becoming in every facet an American, and nothing but an American...There can be no divided allegiance here.

Any man who says he is an American, but something else also, isn't an American at all.

We have room for but one flag, the American flag... We have room for but one language here, and that is the English language... and we have room for but one sole loyalty and that is a loyalty to the American people."   

      Theodore Roosevelt 1907

A man walks into a psychiatrist's office wearing
only underwear made of Saran Wrap.

The psychiatrist says, "Well...I can clearly see your nuts."

What is better than wisdom?.....woman.

What is better than a good woman?

Nothing.

Chaucer

The past is not dead. In fact it's not even the past.

William Faulkner

A womans mind is cleaner than a mans....because she changes it more often.

O. Hereford

I can resist anything but temptation.

Oscar Wilde

"It has been said that politics is the second oldest profession. I have learned that it bears a striking resemblance to the first."

Ronald Regan

You only live once....but if you do it right, once is enough.

Joe E. Lewis

There is nothing more dreadful than imagination without taste.

Johann Wolfgang von Goethe