It's true, it's written down, by someone other than myself, so it must be true. It totally is, so stop shaking your head.

He does also state that I'm a nasty aggressive low-life, admittedly the title of his blog is "Disgraceful eBayer",  I'm not quite sure of the sincerity of his bestowal of this coveted title and I think he may have spelled Disgraceful eBayer incorrectly, but I'm focussing on the positive here. He does seem awfully level headed, and I can't think that this man would lie about anything.. Hm. Or would he.....

It's a standard story I'm afraid. I bought some GameCube games and they arrived within a couple of days. Where it gets (slightly) interesting is that the box they were sent in arrived open. Not just open, as in it had taken a bit of a bash in the post and come open, but open as in it didn't have any parcel tape on it whatsoever. OPEN. But, no harm no foul, all of the items were still present. However, they were also in very poor condition. Not only did the auction state the items were in excellent condition; the seller is still maintaining that they were sent in excellent condition and....this is the best bit...that the items were damaged in the post and that this isn't his fault. If you're searching for the phrase, it's douche.

So, the games arrived in poor condition. Not simply the game boxes, which admittedly could have been damaged due to the box being open, but the contents too. Now, barring the postal workers removing the discs and instructions, deciding to have a game of frisbee on their lunch break whilst wiping their nether regions as they go, those items were in pretty bad shape when they were put into the box. Which was open, but I think I've mentioned that. And I'll keep mentioning it until it stops being funny/tragic.

I was directed to his blog post...someone told me I was famous...and I am! Give it a read, you should find him, I left him a neutral. It makes for interesting reading. The thing that springs out at you most is that he is remarkably coherent for a man that has to be explicitly told to tape a box shut.

He states:

"I was not informed that there was a need for tape as they seemed sturdy enough(the postal boxes). If, for some reason, it may become opened, it was not my fault and the problem lies with the post office"


I'm just going to leave that hanging in the air for a bit. Enjoy. See you in five....


Ok, wiped your eyes? Then we'll continue. So, if the box is opened...it's not his fault because nobody informed him to tape it shut. His house must be littered with Post-It note reminders. Perhaps he has a butler to do the little things for him. Maybe he's not experienced with Sellotape, gosh, who is? I'm really not sure, I wouldn't like to suggest what is going on there. Suffice to say, wherever it's going on, it's not up top. I've heard he has people help him on with his shoes, but that could be an ugly rumour spread by a nasty man. Another ugly rumour...the nasty man is the unofficial King of eBay. Hurrah.

I wonder if he licks envelopes? Has anyone thought of putting a warning on them? Why not?

Anyhow, he's written his blog to publically denounce me, my kind, the postal system, boxes, the lack of instructions on cardboard boxes, the absence of enforced education on the proper usage of them. However, I think it deserves reading because it appears to make a couple of truly baffling points. Firstly, the one we've covered, that if the box arrived open, with the contents damaged, that's not his fault. It doesn't take long to see through that one. The following is more interesting and it's this. He suggests that I could have no way of knowing if the games were damaged before or after they were put in the box. So ha!. Trump card. Well again, it doesn't take long to see through that one either. I've already mentioned the poor condition of the internal parts of the game above; so here I'll put the dilemma in clearer terms:

1. Items were in poor condition before they were put in the box (Items already damaged and seller lied in auction)
2. Items were damaged after they were posted in an open box (Items damaged due to seller being comically naive)

Interesting? Really? Well no, of course not, I can't believe you're still reading. It turns out the only two options here are that the seller is either a bit daft or he's a liar. Oh no, there's a third way ...it could just be that the seller is both daft and a liar. A daft liar. A lying dafty. Whatever you call it, that's the only conclusion we can come to. The items were clearly damaged before they went into the box, if they then suffered additional damage because of the sellers naivety...does that excuse his passing off shoddy goods as excellent? I'd argue...no, no it doesn't, stop trying to say otherwise, you big lying dafty.

If it's a matter of my word against his, I know who I'm going to believe. And if I should find myself lulled into temporary lapses of certainty by shrill crys of "nobody informed me!", I have a small stack of video games in crappy condition to jar me from my insensible stupor.

Now, lest you think that the tone of this blog has descended into dafty bashing, there's a couple of final things I'd like to say in order to redeem myself. I'm tolerant when others make mistakes. We've all made them. Maybe not quite as staggeringly idiotic as this, but we have. If the items had arrived in good condition, not even excellent condition, he would have got away with it and I'd have left no feedback at all. The fact remains that he lied in his auction and he continues to lie in his blog. That's not the act of an honourable man, it's the act of a lying deplorable fool that couldn't find his bum with both hands. Unless he was informed to do so.

This one is not half as confusing for me as it appears to have been for the seller. I bought two bundles of Gamecube games from a new eBayer. All of the items didn't arrive so I asked about them. Eventually I received an email describing how she distinctly remembers putting some games in an envelope and posting them to someone. Not encouraged, I asked her if I might have been that person. She tells me she has a receipt from the post office for something weighing 300g and as far as she's concerned, that's proof that I've received my games.

She then sends me:

1. 3 Gamecube game discs, one of which actually works, none of which are the games I've bought.
2. A CD that came with the Daily Mail.
   

Normally I'd prefer to think that I've been duped by someone that is just a bit dippy rather than dishonest, but after receiving the negatives I really do like to think the worst of her. Nobody wants to be scammed by an idiot, I want to be ripped off by a criminal mastermind.

I do wonder who received my games or if anyone did at all. If you did and you're reading this, send them back to her, it may provoke a rare moment of clarity. My guess is that she would a) not remember them, and/or b) cook them for her tea.