How I feel about truelove. (Conclusion)
When I think about truelove I find myself thinking about my brother.  Here is a man that met a girl while in high school, they fell in love and they eventually got married.  They have been married ever since, nearly 20 years.  They have two very wonderful girls and live a very nice life that they built together.  I admire my brother greatly for this because he is truly an honest man that loves his wife.  I am sure that they may have had their ups and downs and perhaps even had some major disagreements with one another from time to time.  But at the end of the day he comes home to his two children and his wife and loves them with all his heart. 

When my own marriage fell apart and I was talking to him about it, I told him that my ex was going to keep custody of my children.  He thought about it for a moment and he said that would be something he could not live with.  He felt his kids were like the very air that he breathed and without them he would simply suffocate. Then he paused for a moment and said that he felt the same way about his wife.  He just couldn’t think of living without her either.

I sometimes feel a little sad that I have not gotten to know my sister-in-law more.  I think about her and I know that she is a great woman and I admire and love her very much also.  They are what we all look for in life even if they themselves are not aware of it.  They are not a couple that stays together just for the sake of the kids or feel trapped into something and can’t find a way out.  No, they love one another truly.  They are each other’s truelove.  They demonstrate it to one another every day.

My Ideal Scene:
Do you know what an “Ideal Scene” is?  My definition is; the EXACT way in which you want something to be that allows your life to be lived in the fullest sense and promotes continued survival for myself in a positive way.

I then look to apply that definition to myself that would include being with someone.  So my “Ideal Scene” for a wife would be: a person that is healthy, happy and tries to always do the right thing.  A woman that is attractive to me has a great sense of humor about life and can roll with the punches when life sometimes gets difficult.  I would like to spend my time with her doing the simplest of things, and being romantic as much as possible. I would like her to be able to travel with me and see all the wonderful things life has to offer.  I would like her to have similar interests as me, but yet independent enough to do her own thing when she wants.  I want her to always be by my side, not as a servant to me but as my equal willing to share and express her own ideas even if those ideas don’t align with mine.  I want to be able to tell her anything and know that what we share is for us and us alone.  I want her to be free to give and receive love when either of us needs that from each other. I want us to always be willing to sit down and talk to each other when we do disagree even if it takes a while to cool down first.  I want to be so close to this woman that I know what she is thinking and can predict what is needed and wanted from me by her. She should be intelligent and rational and always try to view life with an analytical point of view. She should have comparable life experience as I have had. She would be my absolute best friend.

This is what I look for in finding someone that I want to be with for the rest of my life.  Now does it mean that when I find someone that comes close to my “Ideal Scene” that I should toss her to the curb and keep looking?  No!  My “Ideal Scene” is the target I am shooting for.  I want to get as close to that target as I can.  If I find someone that fits about 90%, I ask myself one thing.  Can I live with the other 10% that I am not fond of?  I am not going to make it a project and try and change this person into an “Ideal Scene”.  I have to be willing to take the relationship as it is right now knowing full well that it will never change.  Can I live with the other 10%? If the answer is no, then I press on to find another mate.  If the answer is yes, then I know what I am getting myself into and I better be 100% ok with it or do the right thing and let her go. 

I have dated a number of women and I have always tried to get within my target zone of my “Ideal Scene”.  I came close and almost took it to the next step but it fell apart because I compromised too much.  I thought I could accept where she was at, and it took me a little while until I realized it wasn’t the right one for me. It doesn’t mean she was a bad person or that I couldn’t stand to see her face anymore.  She just didn’t fit into what I needed for a lifetime commitment.

I have seen my whole life women talk about not wanting to be hurt emotionally.  They build a wall around themselves and try to make sure that their hearts don’t get crushed when the guy leaves them.  When you think such things, you have a way of making those things come true. 

You want an honest and trustworthy man you say, but you tend to look for the “bad boy” when you date.  What the hell are you expecting is going to happen? He is a bad boy and bad boys do bad things. 

You want a man to love you for the person you are and not what you look like.  Then why are you going down to the doctor’s office and getting your boobs done to keep his interest?  You see what I mean here.  If you really want someone to love you then you have to be confident enough with yourself to know what you really want.  Otherwise you are just playing a game.  If you are looking for someone to have sex with because you need to fill that need, then do that.  But don’t go fooling yourself thinking you have a truelove situation.  Figure out what your “Ideal Scene” is and work towards that goal.

So you may be wondering right now, ok I understand what truelove is but how do I find it for myself?  Truelove is something that you do not find.  No fairy godmother is going to wave her magic wand and make you fall in love with someone. Truelove doesn’t come in any special packages.  There isn’t going to be a “Tall, Dark and Handsome” that drives a Porsche and makes a million plus a year.  Truelove doesn’t come in skin color or certain physical size, has long hair, short hair, blonde hair, red hair, purple hair with nose rings or big boobs. Truelove is not always 20 something years old.  Truelove doesn’t deal in butterflies, funny feelings in your stomach, chemistry or sparks. Truelove is something you are already have, you just need to simply share it with someone else.

Finally, once you have isolated what you want as your “Ideal Scene” and you have found that person that comes closest to that scene, then you only have one more thing to do to achieve truelove.  That is; be a person who is faithful, trustworthy and shows love, affection and friendliness to that other person. Demonstrate this to them everyday.  You have an unlimited amount of love in every fiber of your being.  Do your utmost to give them all of that love every day and in every way. It doesn’t cost you anything and when you give it freely, you will receive it in return in abundance.  I think if two people do this honestly for each other, they will achieve the state of truelove.  Once there they will be able to overcome almost any obstacle that will arise in their path.  They will be able to show total affinity for one another and keep their communication flowing back and forth freely on things that are real to them, which will bring about total understanding for one another.  By having this complete understanding, there won’t be any upsets and if you have an upset it will be minor.  You will live a very happy life with each other.  It may not be a fairy tale life, but you will be proud of it when your life comes to a close.

I want to say at this point that if you have gotten upset by reading this or thought that I was talking about you, try and understand I am not making you wrong here for whatever you currently believe.  I am trying to look at this subject of truelove in many different ways with many different viewpoints.  I have held this thing up to my face and then pulled it back, looked at it upside down and sideways.  I think to truly understand something you have to be willing to accept a number of positions other than your own.  If you want to discuss this with me, feel free to email me roninmoto@gmail.com.  I am always willing to have another viewpoint.  Thanks for reading what I wrote I hope it has helped you in some way.

End of Post (Conclusion)

Can you purchase truelove?
There are a number of women that seem to think so.  I am picking on women a little bit here because they are guilty of this little sin more than men, and that is only because men are usually the dominate bread winners.  I have seen a lot of women that talk about how they found a rich man and will assume they will live happily ever after because they don’t have to worry about money any more.  Now come on, really, when has money really brought you happiness?  Money is not happiness, all money does is allow you to have more free time then you would if you didn’t have it.  Instead of having to spend your day working to pay your bills, with money, you have the time to take the kids to the park and not worry about if you can pay the electric bill or not.

Time after time I have seen women will sacrifice their own happiness in pursuit of a rich guy.  The guy could be a total pig and unfaithful as they come but the wife is not willing to give up her fancy car and furs so she puts up with his cheating ways.  Now whose fault is it here, the girl or the guy?  She went into the deal with her blinders on and now after a small time the blinders came off and things just plain suck for her.  The next thing you know she is looking for a divorce attorney so she can take HALF of what he owns. 

I remember Eddie Murphy doing a standup routine about why he would never get married.  He kept saying it over and over that she would get HALF of everything he owns if he would ever get divorced.  Well it looks like his prophesy came true because his current wife of 12 years filed for divorce from him on in August of 2005.  She gave birth to 5 of his kids, you bet she is going to get half, and she deserves it.

Some friends of mine met some good looking girls in California on the beach in Malibu and the girls asked them what each one was driving?  One of my friends told the girls he was driving a Dodge Neon, and they walked past him to my other friend.  They asked my other friend what he was driving and he lied to them and said he was driving a Dodge Viper.  He ended up sleeping with one of the girls that night.  Now we all understand that this has nothing to do with truelove.  In this case the girls could have been standing on a corner selling their bodies and would have gotten the same result. 

How much different are the actions of these girls and those with women that try and to catch a rich guy.  Aren’t you still a prostitute?  Some women are willing to give up happiness and truelove for an easier workday.  Maybe they have lost all hope and think that truelove is something that can only be found in fairy tales.  Maybe their self esteem has sunk so low that they are near the bottom of the barrel and life is a just an old tired ride waiting to end.  My mother always told me that nothing in life comes easy.  If it is something that is worth anything, it is because you worked hard to get it.  Things given to you are just things and you will have no purpose for them and you will end up destroying them in some way or another.  I think she is right because relationships based on money will only lead to destruction.  You can not take someone else’s energy like the money they have and use it to your own benefit and feel good about it.  You’re stealing their energy for your own purpose.

I know and you know, truelove can not be bought.  If for a single moment that you really think so, you are fooling yourself to the point of insanity. 

End of Part Seven.

What does sex have to do with truelove?
Sex is an essential part of truelove.  It is not the only part or the part that matters most.  Sex in it self is the method that we use to recreate our race.  It is what ensures that we continue to survive as mankind.  I also know that sex is pain. A good definition for sex I believe is: “a perfect harmony between pain and love.”  When the two (pain and love) are balanced correctly, they produce something very wonderful and very addicting.  It is when we push one more than the other that it becomes insane.  We see those people that like to whipped, tied up and degraded in order for them to become sexually excited.  These people have shifted to the pain side of the equation and are not involved in truelove.  Those women who marry men and then starve them for sex for months at a time or use it to gain material things are also not pursuing truelove.  Using sex as a bargaining tool is cruel and demented.

Sex is also how we demonstrate the way we care about each other.  When done right and the couple take their time with each one making sure to gratify the other and be tender and affectionate the result will be amazing.

I personally have spent a considerable amount of time researching this point.  I have had real life experiences and those are the kind that teaches you the most.

I dated this girl for a year. I thought I was really in love with her.  I wanted to be around her all the time.  We constantly went out to eat and went to the movies and really were together all the time. I talked to her about all kinds of things and was very close to her daughter Mary.  I would have married this girl in a heartbeat.  I was willing to do anything and give up anything to be with her.  She was exciting and I thought very beautiful.  I liked her wit and how she could be so tough one minute and a complete soft and sensual woman the next.  I never slept with this woman and that is what I think really made things go wrong.  It wasn’t that she had some rule like she wanted to be married before having sex as she slept with other guys with no problem.  She even got pregnant by another man and that was the final nail in the proverbial coffin for me.  But even when I found out she was pregnant I was at first willing to still be with her.  Is that love?  Is that truelove?  She had no idea of how much it had hurt me that she did that.  But hey, we weren’t a couple and so she had no reason to consider me or my feelings.  For me, I realized that there needed to be some kind of exchange between two people and when you are a couple that means showing love and affection towards the other person.  It took me a while and many dollars later to finally understand that this girl was only using me for a free meal and entertainment for herself and child.  Once I decided I couldn’t be around her any more, I told her so and she never even looked back.  She never called me or in my honest opinion cared if she ever saw me again.  That drove a big stake through my heart and almost sent me down a deep dark spiral of despair.  I dropped her off at home one night and before driving away, I told her I couldn’t be with her anymore.  I then drove away and I had tears streaming down my face and felt really low.  Then I had a thought, and it was a simple one.  It was “you only have to be sad if you choose to be so.”  I instantly cheered up and really never gave it a second thought again.  I still see her from time to time because she works for one of my clients.  It is amazing because I still have the desire to be with her.  It takes a lot of self control not to start things up with her again, but I really can’t see anything happening with her because she is unwilling to exchange with me the way I need her to.

Now on the other flip side of the coin I dated another woman for a year and she was the complete opposite.  We had nothing but a sexual relationship with each other.  She enjoyed sex as much as I did and we humped like rabbits everyday.  She was wonderful in this way.  But the relationship would never go beyond that.  I thought that sex was what I really needed and wanted from a relationship and that as long as the sex was great, we would be able to last a long time.  This is not the kind of sex that many woman experience, as I do not believe in just satisfying myself.  I told you I have done a lot of research in this area.  I found out that sex becomes unbelievable if you take the attention off of yourself.  I spent time making her relaxed and would massage her body for hours and would spend a lot of time and energy with the foreplay.  When we did have sex I was able to maintain control and would have sex for literally hours at a time.  I made sure she always climaxed when we made love.  We would have sex in every kind of way and left little to explore.  She was awesome and truly one of the best lovers I have ever been with. 

But she and I had little else in common.  I was pleasant with her and she was with me, but she was not on the same level as me.  She did not share a comparable magnitude in life as I did.  She was older than I was but I had lived so much more of life than her and she had a hard time keeping up with me.

I was a little confused on this one as I had followed my definition of truelove, but yet it wasn’t truelove.  I was faithful to her, I was trustworthy, and I showed her love, affection and friendliness.  So what went wrong; why did the relationship fall apart?  It took me a while but I figured it out.  The reason it failed was I was not able to show her these things every day and in every way and I had shifted from love to pain.  I never hurt her while having sex or anything like that but we had to have sex all the time.  If I told her no, she got very upset and felt rejected.  It was the basis of the relationship and that is why it failed.  I don’t think I need to find someone exactly like myself in order to be happy.  But there has to be goals and purposes in your life that align with your mate that will carry you beyond just sex. Sex is an essential part and I have found ways to make sex very enjoyable for myself and for her, but when your done you better have something else in common or your setting yourself up to lose in a big way. 

End of Part Six.

Truelove and the Bible:
The best reference to love that I could find in the Bible comes from I Corinthians Chapter 13 Verse 4 -7 (just as a note, there are many different versions of the Bible, I chose to use the New World Translation, it is the closet that I could find to the original text of the Greek Scriptures that hasn’t been altered such as the King James Version) it states:

4 Love is long-suffering and kind. Love is not jealous, it does not brag, does not get puffed up, 5 does not behave indecently, does not look for its own interests, does not become provoked. It does not keep account of the injury. 6 It does not rejoice over unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth. 7 It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, and endures all things.

I have to say that is a pretty powerful statement and I agree with it for the most part.  But does being in love mean that you have to endure all the pains that one can do to another.  I don’t know about you but I am not a masochist.  If I was in love with another and that person cheated on me continually, beat on me or verbal abused me, then I think my love would just dry up and die.

The Bible wants you to think that your love will overcome all these things.  Your love will have to overcome all things and if it can’t well then you need to pray and ask for God’s help to find a better path.

Now, I am knocking religion or God.  But sometimes people are not who they seem to be when we first meet them.  Look at poor little Laci Peterson, do you think she knew her husband Scott was so evil when they met.  Of course not, I bet he was charming and romantic and he was very good looking too.  She must have felt very lucky in the beginning.  But the guy snapped because she got pregnant. He appeared to have changed in personality but really he was always that way.  He was being covertly hostile and it just seemed like he was a happy go lucky kind of guy. Is there a way to over come that with just love?  As it turned out he was proved to be a liar and cheater.  Given enough time I bet there were many more things this guy was doing that were not ok. 

I just don’t know how much I could endure and still be in love.  That is why my definition works so much better.  Let’s look at it again, it states: “a person who is faithful, trustworthy and shows love, affection and friendliness to another person.” You see I am not trapping you into something because you have a hard time seeing someone’s real personality.  My definition requires you to demonstrate your love and not just blindly believe that you are in love and most of all, if your partner stops demonstrating their love, then it shows you that it is not a truelove.  It was something else. 

The Bible and religion is based upon faith.  Example: Your husband is cheating on you for the last six months with his secretary and the best your pastor can come up with is to pray to God and ask HIM for his guidance. Maybe your husband will see the evil things he is doing and try being a better man.  BULL! He will continue banging his little secretary until you kick him out.  Then he might come crawling back after he realizes what it is going to cost him to divorce you.  But if you fall victim to him, take him back and think he will change his bad habit, and then you will be right back in the same position with in a very short time. A very religious person will believe that faith will carry them through the aberrations that are connected to love. I personally feel like this is a person that doesn’t have a lot of responsibility in life.   Truelove must be demonstrated every day and in every way for it to be truelove. Faith has nothing to do with it.

End of Part Five.

Truelove and Chemistry:
This one is a fun one.  I have met girls that said “you are a really nice guy and all but I just don’t feel any chemistry between us.  There is no spark.” Hmmm.  This can be perplexing and you can begin to internalize on it and really start to wonder what is wrong with you until you spend a few minutes and think about what is actually happening.

I know a guy that is a really normal descent guy and he was doing the online dating thing.  After all, it really is a great way to meet people because it takes a lot of the pressure off that first meeting.  Well he met a girl online that was close in age and they shared a lot of the same likes and dislikes.  He started out normal enough and gave his email address to her and they wrote to each other a few times and then it escalated to using instant messaging.  They really started to hit it off and they progressed to talking on the phone.  Well they would talk for hours about all kinds of stuff and found out they were really compatible.  They agreed they should meet and decided to have dinner with each other.  Now at this point each one had invested some time in getting to know each other.  They went to dinner and after a three hour dinner she said to him that she would not be contacting him again because she just didn’t feel that “spark” and didn’t think they had a chance at a long term relationship. 

So what went wrong?  Did he smell bad or something?  Were his knuckles too hairy for her?  What the hell caused this thing to just fall apart like that when it had been going so great before? Why does electricity have such a pivotal role in deciding whether the relationship would work or not?

Ok, so does truelove require a person to actually have some form of chemical change to take place in their bodies and brains in order to have a complete love for someone else? Is that what makes two people love and trust one another for a whole lifetime?  A big man of 350lbs with sweaty palms, hairy chest and hairy back is putting out pheromones that drive certain woman to the edge and must have this man forever?  Do these pheromones give the other person a kind of “high” that makes there heart beat faster and then lead to desire and sexual attraction? 

Whacko doctors would like you to think so; after all they get very large grants from the government to find this kind of stuff out.  We live in a time when medical doctors are getting very good at fixing our bodies when we break them.  I would say in another 100 years they will have found a way to heal bodies like we see in the movies and without a doubt will be able to cure most illness.  However, when it comes to the human mind, medicos are in the dark ages for sure.  They mess around with chemicals and release them on the population with effects that do more harm than good. 

If it is truly a chemical thing that science will be able to develop one day and just give us a shot in the ass to fix us up to obtain truelove, then life truly has no joy in it.  I just can not see myself as some kind of chemical engine that moves around this Earth being the effect of every little thing that I may come into contact with.  I am much much more than that.  I am a being that is in control of my own environment and I can make a difference without the use of some drug.  I came into the world without the need of drugs; I mostly certainly can find my way without the need of them.

Some of you may say, what a minute your taking this out of context, what we mean is a metaphorical chemistry.  We want our hearts to skip a beat and get butterflies in our stomach whenever we see you. Ok, let’s assume this is the case.  What you are stating is not truelove, it is lust.  Lust is a defined as “unusually intense or unbridled sexual desire” it comes from the Latin “lascivus” meaning wanton pleasure.

It is ok to lust for someone but don’t misunderstand it.  It is not truelove.  The problem with lust is it eventually wears off and turns to something else.  And if you don’t have some common understanding and goals with the other person, it will lead to mistrust and failure.  When the lust wears off, the eyes will begin to wander looking for more lust to fill its place.  You will find your lover cheating on you in a heartbeat, perhaps the very same skipped heartbeat that got started down this road.
 
There is another explanation that I have come across and you will have to take a bit of leap of faith to follow me on this one.  What if we are some spiritual beings that come back life after life?  Assuming that we do, perhaps we have all been with each other from lifetime to lifetime.  That spark you feel may be nothing more than something that is stimulating you and is subconsciously just something that is reminding you of times gone by.  Now these events of another lifetime may not always be pleasant, perhaps they are very evil things but none the less it is giving you the butterflies in your stomach kind of feeling.  An example would be, say that lived in the 1800’s and you were taken captive by Indians.  They tied you up and danced around you and finally burned you at the stake. Died horribly! Now we fast forward to this lifetime and you are working one day minding your own business and this long haired American Indian walks in the door and you just can’t seem to take your eyes off of him.  You stand there motionless, breathing has slowed and your heart is beating much faster than it was 5 minutes ago.  Did you just misinterpret these feeling as love or was it stimulating those days gone by? 

I would say that most Americans do not believe in past lives, but Americans only make up a very small portion of the world and its beliefs.  If we are going to look at the subject we need to be as objective as possible so we can find what is true and what is not.  That being said, now we need to look at how the Bible views true love.

End of Part Four.