Posted Sep-28-07 04:19:01 PDT
It is Friday and I just realize tomorrow is my cousin's surprise baby shower. I am not going. She didn't invite me the wedding and then she said I could come if I will do one things but had a deadline. I told her I will do it but I will have to set an appointment with my counselor and that we have been working on it. But the deadline was impossible. I also told her that my friend was willing to interpret for the wedding. So she said that she can't come. Finally, she said that I must by this deadline and I told her it was impossible as I needed to arrange the time and so on. I told her that she is NOT in control of my life and my healing process. Then she suddenly said I can't go. I never did have invitation and I realize she never intended to invite me and my whole entire family went. I was the only one and I was the black sheep in the family.
So now, I been invited to a baby shower for her. Well, I am not going and I think it is very RUDE to invite me as she made it very clearly that she didn't want me in her life or celebrate her special day. My grandma asked me if I was going and I was like no and she asked me why and I didn't reply. Actually, on Christmas Day (2005) there was a huge fight about me and I wasn't even there. I didn't see no fight and I was blame for spilting the family. I cried so hard that day when it was time to celebrate for my birthday and I got a lecture and all the blame. Apparently, my dad kicked them out of the house on Christmas Day. We suspected that they planned to do this. They were watching me to see if I was going to do that and I did and they created a blew up in the family. I was in the bedroom the entire time it happen. It was the hardest Christmas and even afterward as my mom blamed me for that. So every Christmas, I get that reminder. I started counseling 3 days later (I went to a new one, the old one was not good and messed me up). My spiritual mom, called my doctor and said I need one now. He was looking for one that specialize in deaf but there wasn't anybody in the area and she got me an emeregeny sessions.
The whole things was not my fault and the couselor said good for my dad for kicking them out!! And she told me that I didn't spilt the family and it takes time to heal. Everyone wanted me to heal or be under their control in what they wanted me to do. There was threat that they would not be invited to the wedding (April) and finally decide I was not invited.
So I will never do anything for my cousin. She is out of my life! She will never realize what she did was wrong. The one person I actually HATE so much. More than my ex-husband. It have nothing to do with I need to forgive as my sister said. It have to do that she hurt me very badly and now she decide I can be part of her life. Nope, she made that decision 2 years ago and I do not need to be around her.
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